The Stick of Truth
by PoisonedChuugoku
Summary: When a new kid moves to the mountain town of South Park, the Guild immediately acted, introducing him to the war that he unintentionally became involved in. He soon will find allies in them and in the boys of South Park as he battles elves, Nazi zombies, and many more. OCs included. I do not own South Park.
1. Prologue

_Deep in the lands of Zaron, the humans of Kupa Keep struggle to stay alive as they are attacked by the wicked Drow Elves of Larnion. Darkness falls as the humans beg their king to save them; a noble king, known only as the Grand Wizard._

_For a thousand years, the battle has been waged, with only the bravery of the Grand Wizard to protect his human followers. But even though the wizard is so _undeniably _cool, the Drow Elf armies continue their attacks._

_They seek the humans most sacred relic - the Stick of Truth._

_But the tides of war are soon to change as news of a "new kid" spread throughout the land. In order to save the humans, the Grand Wizard must get to the new kid before the evil Drow Elves can manipulate his mind and use him to take the sacred relic from human hands._

_For whoever controls the Stick, controls the universe._

* * *

The lights in a small, red brick house at the end of the street had been turned off just when the young boy poked his head up from out of the tiny bush. His light green eyes and light brown hair were shadowed in the darkness of the night. The orbs shone silently as the boy glanced up to the window just above the garage. A tiny grin came onto his face.

_Click._

He frowned, pushing the visor of his helmet back into place at the top of his head. The dragon-like wings that covered his ears shone under the light of the street lamp as he slowly stepped out of the bush and began making his way to the side of the house. His long grey scarf bellowed behind him when a breeze passed by(quite dramatically, he couldn't help but think) as he assessed the side of the house. Once finished, he grinned once more and ran back to the bush.

He quickly returned with a ladder.

Once he had leaned it as close to the house as he could, the boy began to climb, occasionally stopping to push the visor back up so that it wouldn't block his vision. It was fucking dark enough as it was.

* * *

A tap woke him up.

The dark haired boy groaned, blinking wearily.

_'Just when I was about to get to sleep,' _he thought, rubbing his eye. Another tap on the window beside him.

Kid Jones turned to glance at the glass only to stop for several minutes. A smiling boy was waving at him from just outside his window. After blinking once, then twice, Kid slowly raised an eyebrow.

_'Are all the kids in this town like this?' _He sighed. Crawling towards the window, he opened it after much effort. The boy tumbled into the room, onto the bed, then falling on the floor. The thud made Kid freeze, slightly afraid that the noise would have woken his parents up. Once no intruding adults came in, he let the breath go before turning to the boy.

The kid was wearing some kind of strange costume, a knight from what Kid could tell. He seemed to be about his own age and was wearing an extremely long scarf along with gloves that reached his elbows and rather fancy boots. He also had knee and elbow pads, a wooden sword strapped to his belt, and a medieval helmet, dragon like wings at the sides. Once the boy had pushed the overlarge helmet's visor up and out of his eyes with a huff of frustration, Kid could finally see that the boy had green eyes and dark hair (he wasn't too sure though).

The boy suddenly glanced up at him and Kid flinched back in shock when the boy's face was in his own.

"You're a lot smaller then I thought you would be," the boy said, finally leaning back, grinning. Kid frowned, bringing a hand up to push the bangs covering his right eye out of the way, just to make sure that this wasn't his imagination. Nope, the kid was still here.

"My name is Dylan," the boy, Dylan, said, sticking out his hand, "Dylan Thomas. I live a few blocks away from here." Hesitantly, Kid took the hand and the two shook. The two sat silently for a moment before Dylan sighed.

"You don't talk much, do you? That's okay," the boy said cheerfully. His voice was lowered and Kid could tell that the other seemed to be aware that his parents were asleep in the next room. He wasn't sure if he should be grateful or extremely cautious.

"I actually came to talk to you about something anyway." Now this grabbed Kid's attention.

_'What could he want to talk about?' _he asked himself. The silent boy couldn't help but respond sarcastically to himself,_ 'It must have been something _so _important for him to come knocking at my window at one in the morning!' _His attention returned to Dylan, who's grin had faded and his expression turned serious.

"We're at war," Dylan began, his voice falling into a bad impression of a British accent, "Tis a deadly battle, an unending fight. One of which does not only effect the entire town, but also you." Kid's curiosity peaked and he leaned forward.

_'A war? This sounds interesting...' _Dylan picked up once again, standing from his seat on the bed. Folding his arms behind his back, the knight began to pace as he continued.

"For centuries, the humans and elves have been fighting with one another over a relic. A relic of upmost importance. The Stick of Truth," Dylan paused for dramatic effect before his voice spoke again, "It binds and controls the universe. Those who possess it have unlimited power at their disposal. Tis truly a remarkable thing." He turned to Kid, expression stony.

"However, they who hold such a relic do not understand what they are dealing with. This is why the Guild was formed." Kid raised an eyebrow.

"The Guild?" he asked. Dylan grinned.

"So you _do_ talk!" He laughed quietly when Kid frowned in response.

"Not often," the usually silent boy replied. Dylan made his way over to him and patted his shoulder.

"I won't tell," the knight winked, to which Kid rolled his eyes. He honestly didn't care.

"Anyways...," Dylan cleared his throat, tone serious once more, "To answer your question, the Guild is a group of some of the strongest in all of Zaron. We are some of the best of the best and we are everywhere."

"That's pretty cool," Kid said. Dylan grinned in response.

"It is, isn't it? But there is just one thing," the boy's grin widened, "Not many know our true identities."

"What do you mean?" Kid asked. He was just about shivering in anticipation.

"We're a bit like a secret society," Dylan explained, "And like any secret society, we have our rules." He held up one finger.

"Firstly, _Don't rat out fellow Guild members_. Being a member means some kind of loyalty towards each other, and we wouldn't be much of a team if we stabbed each other in the back all the time. Secondly," he raised a second finger, "_Fighting fellow members is forbidden unless necessary_." Kid couldn't help but feel slightly confused about that one. Dylan winked.

"I'll explain in a sec. Finally," the knight raised one more finger, "_It is _optional _for members to tell others, but not including parents, that we are part of the Guild_. Meaning, we can tell a person if we want to, but that person has to swear that they will not tell anyone else."

"Why did you decide to tell me?" Kid asked. Dylan took a seat on the bed once again.

"Well," Dylan said, British accent back on, "News has reached both the elves and the humans about the arrival of a new kid in town. Thus, both factions have made it their goal to have you join the war and fight for one of their sides." Kid frowned.

"I have decided to tell you because this could affect the entirety of Zaron, and it's the Guild's duty to protect it. This war could potentially destroy the world, but we are here to protect it. However, our goal is not through pointless fighting..."

"How then?" Dylan's grin turned into a tiny smirk.

"We have infiltrated several factions within Zaron," the knight explained, "so that we may be able to stop them if something were to go wrong. Like I mentioned before, Guild members are everywhere. We will be on their asses if they even _think _of trying anything!" He sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. "We'll be more subtle of course..."

Silence. And then, Kid began to quietly laugh. Soon enough, Dylan joined him.

"Oops! Almost forgot!" The knight whipped out his phone. "I'll add you on Facebook using my Guild account. Each of us members have one!" Kid nodded. The silent boy reached over to his bedside table to pick up his phone and log onto his own account. Sure enough, a friend request had been sent to him. He raised an eyebrow at Dylan.

"What the hell kind of name is 'Storm Knight'?" Dylan puffed his cheeks out. Kid found it hard to not laugh, but he managed somehow.

"That's my 'flame'," he replied. "Don't laugh." Kid felt confusion once more. Dylan then smirked again.

"I'll explain everything later. It's getting late," he then said, "I better get home." Kid nodded. With a wave and a grin, Dylan was out the window and sliding down the ladder he brought, taking it with him as he ran down the street. Kid shook his head before going to sleep with a smile on his face.

He had made his first friend in his new town.


	2. The New Kid in Town

The sun slowly rose over the horizon onto the small mountain town of South Park, Colorado. For a town that wasn't exactly normal, it seemed that way in the morning light of the sun.

Townsfolk began their day by shopping on Main Street. Children played in their backyards or at their friends' houses, trying to make the Sunday last as long as they could before going back to school the next day. However, while this was taken place, a new family had just finished unpacking all of their things and were making themselves at home. Many had heard rumors about this family and it wasn't just the adults talking, but the children too.

It was a small family; a father, a mother, and a son. They had arrived at the house late the day before and had brought enough clothes to last them the night. The moving van had arrived and brought the rest of their things before leaving so that the family could unpack.

"Well," the father said, "I believe that's everything!" He set down the last box and grinned. His wife put down her box and hugged him tightly.

"We did it hon!" She exclaimed, "We're really moved in!"

From now on, the quaint house of two floors, two bathrooms, two bedrooms, a kitchen, and a basement in the small mountain town of South Park would be their home for good.

"It's a new beginning for us," the husband replied, hugging back, "Things are finally going to be good!"

As she pulled back, his wife frowned, glancing up to the floor above.

"Do you really think things will be better for... Him?" The two stared in contemplation at the floor above, where the soft sound of things being put away could be heard by the creaking of the floorboards. The husband turned back to his wife.

"They won't look for him here Beth," he replied, "We just need to make sure that he doesn't draw too much attention."

"Alex..." He placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Don't worry Beth. But if it worries you so much, why don't we check up on him?" Beth smiled before following her husband as he made his way up the stairs. They stopped at the first door on the right. Beth raised a hand and knocked.

"Sweetie?" She asked, "You all dressed?"

Silence was their answer. The two shared a concerned glance before Alex turned the knob. The two entered the room to see their son putting the last of his things into the drawer. Toys were neatly placed in the toy box at the edge of his bed and the small gold fish on his desk was swimming around.

The room was much smaller compared to their own, with only enough room to house a small child. The bed was already made and their son was sitting on the sheets. He seemed to have been so absorbed in his thoughts, that he hadn't even noticed that they had entered the room.

The ten year old boy was rather short for his age (but his parents simply assumed that it was from _that time_). He had his bangs covering his right eye, hair dyed black to match his eyes. Alex had to stop a sigh as he realized that his son was wearing the same clothes he had worn the day before; a simple grey hoodie and black jeans.

"Hey champ," Alex said, "How do you like you're new room?"

In response, the boy glanced around before shrugging. Ever since _that time_, he had never said much, something that he didn't seem to notice. But his parents did. When he didn't reply, Alex gave a sigh.

"I know it's a bit of a change for all of us Kid, but... Do you... Remember why we moved to this quiet little mountain town?"

Kid frowned. His eyebrows furrowed in thought, not saying anything, like usual. Beth and Alex both shared a glance.

"He doesn't remember," Alex whispered.

"He doesn't remember at all," Beth whispered in reply.

"That's good. It's good that he doesn't remember."

Kid frowned at this. _'I'm right here. Don't they realize that I can still hear them?'_ His parents turned back to him, smiling.

"Uh, sweetie? We want you to have lots of fun here," his mother said, "Why don't you go out and make some friends?"

"Right," Alex agreed, "Get outside and play son. L-Like normal kids." Beth jabbed her husband in the ribs before turning back to her son.

"I'll put some money on the kitchen counter for you sweetie. Just... Be back before it gets dark." Kid nodded and his parents left the room, closing the door. He hopped off the bed and turned to his fish, smiling.

"I'll see you in a bit, okay Julie?" His voice sounded raspy to him since he didn't talk much to begin with, but the fish seemed to hear him as it smiled at him in response. Kid left his room, slowly making his way down the steep stairs. It'll take him a while to get used to them.

In all honesty, he was slightly unconfident (talk about really unconfident) about making friends. He was never the most social crayon in the box after all. In fact, he would be the first to admit that he was really uncomfortable around people to the point of wishing that he could just live in his room and never come out.

When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he glanced around to see his dad sitting on the couch, taking a break from unpacking. Kid turned and made his way towards the kitchen. Upon entering, he noticed that his mom was packing away dishes into the cupboards.

_'She said that she put the money on the counter?'_ He easily spotted it and made his way over to it. He had to stand up on his toes to be able to reach the green bills. Once his hands grasped them, he took them off and began to count.

_'5 dollars? Well, that's enough to buy ice cream or go to a movie...'_ He left the kitchen and waved to his dad before leaving out the front door. Looking around, he couldn't help but notice that there were no kids in sight.

Kid sighed.

This could take a while.

* * *

He supposed that searching down his street would be a good start. Kid gave another sigh before putting his hands in his pockets and began to walk.

Just as he neared the house right next door, Kid stopped in surprise as two kids burst out from the backyard and onto the sidewalk in front of him. They seemed to be playing some kind of game. However, it was their outfits that grabbed his attention.

They were medieval in appearance and appeared to be made by hand, something that reminded him of Dylan's own costume.

_'Were these some of the kids that are part of that war Dylan mentioned?'_ The boy standing directly in front of him wore a green outfit with fake elf ears tied to his dark haired head. The boy further away had blonde hair and was wearing a circlet and had on a blue cape.

"You shall die by my war hammer, Drow Elf!" The blonde boy raised his hammer and struck down. The boy blocked, sticking his tongue out in response.

"Nu uh!"

"I banish thee to the forest realm!"

"No way, I banish you first!" The elf rushed forwards, swinging the wooden dagger he held at the blonde boy. "Hah! You can't hold out much longer!"

The blonde boy grew frantic, blocking the elf's continuous attacks. "Help! I can't hold out much longer! Help!"

Kid frowned, feeling his fist clench. The blonde boy seemed like an extremely nice kid. The other boy raised his wooden dagger to attack the kid. Kid rushed forwards, raising his fist and punching the kid as hard as he could in the back of the head. The boy immediately fell over, groaning and clutching his head as his dagger fell from his hands. The boy's head whipped around and glared hatefully at him. The boy stumbled to his feet and pointed with a shaking finger at him.

"That's cheating," he sneered, "I'm gonna go tell my mom!"

The boy then limped away, picking up his dagger. Kid watched as he walked off down the street. Kid then turned back to the londe boy holding out a hand. The boy took it, smiling.

"Thanks kid," the blonde boy said, "I didn't realize that he had a health potion."

Kid raised an eyebrow in confusion before shaking it off. It was a make believe war after all.

"My name is Butters the Merciful," the blonde boy said, "I'm a paladin. I live right next door to you. We should be friends!"

Upon hearing this, Kid smiled slightly, the tip of his lip twitching upwards. _'That was quick.' _He had this feeling that if he stuck with Butters, he would gain more friends. Butters grabbed onto Kid's hand and gently pulled him down the street. Kid let him, smile widening.

"Now that we're friends," the paladin was saying, "you should speak with the Wizard King! He's been talking about your arrival!"

_'Wizard King?' _He thought,_ 'Alright, whatever. I guess this is what Dylan was talking about... I suppose that he's the leader of the humans?' _Butters led him up to the door of the house right next to his own and rang the door bell. A few seconds later, the door opened, revealing another kid their age. He seemed to be very overweight. The boy was wearing a red robe reminiscent of a wizard's cloak as well as a blue pointed hat with a smiley face on it. He also held a staff.

"All hail the Grand Wizard!" Butters announced praisefully.

"So, you are the new kid," the Wizard said observingly, "Your coming was foretold by Coldwell Banker. I am the Wizard King." He leaned on his staff and looked at Kid up and down. However, Kid's attention wasn't really on the boy. In fact, he was more worried about the staff.

_'I'm really surprised that he can lean on it without it breaking,'_ he thought, _'You'd think that a kid that fat would need to replace it often cause it can't support him.' _The boy continued to talk.

"The time to talk is not nigh," he said, "Let me show you my kingdom." He then turned around and walked into the house. Butters tugged on Kid's hand and pulled him inside. There was a woman sitting on the couch, most likely the fat kid's mom, texting. She glanced up upon noticing the three children and gave a gentle smile. Kid was briefly reminded of his own mom.

"Oh, who's your new friend Eric?" Eric rolled his eyes and continued walking.

"Shut up mom, not now."

Kid frowned. Judging by Eric's response, he seemed like one of those kids that got just about everything he wanted. It made him sick.

The trio of kids entered the kitchen and Eric opened the glass door to the backyard. The three of them went through the door. Kid glanced around at the backyard.

The fortress near the back fence was made of cardboard and a tent seemed to hold it up from the inside. Above it was a sign that said 'Kupa Keep' in big block letters. Closest to the door was a makeshift shop for purchasing objects. There was also a stable. Four other boys were in the backyard as well, or, three considering that one had on a blonde wig. And one was vaguely familiar...

Eric led Kid around and pointed to various things. The brown-haired boy that managed the shop was named Clyde. The boy who managed the stables was Scott. Eric then led him to the fortress and gestured to the two kids there.

"And this is the most breathtaking and lovely Princess Kenny," Eric introduced, gesturing to the 'girl' with the blonde hair, "The most fairest maiden in all the land." Eric then leaned in close and his voice became lower.

"Don't ask why Kenny wanted to be a chick," he muttered, "That just seems to be how he's rolling right now." Kid snorted. Pulling back, Eric then gestured to the finally boy.

"Finally, this is Princess Kenny's most loyal guard, Knight Dylan, a level 10 fighter." Kid nodded to Dylan and Kenny in greeting. Kenny waved and gave a muffled greeting (being that he was wearing a parka under the wig and dress) and Dylan grinned, winking. Kid felt his lips turn upwards before he turned to follow Eric.

The wizard stopped in front of the fort and turned to face him.

"You have been sought out, new kid, because humans everywhere have been in great danger," Eric was saying, "I need something from you, and in return, I am prepared to let you into my kingdom." Butters then came over and handed a paper and pen to Kid.

"I know you are very excited," Eric continued, "It's time for your first quest, but first, tell us thy name." Kid took the paper and pen and glanced at it before writing down his name. Kid Jones. Kid handed the piece of paper back to Eric, who smirked upon reading it. Eric looked back up at him.

"You've got some really crappy writing," he said, smirking, "It says 'Douchebag', right?"

Kid felt his eyes narrowing. He could hear the muffled snickers of the other boys in the yard. He gave a sharp shake of the head.

"You sure you didn't write 'Douchebag'?"

Another shake.

"Very well Douchebag!" Eric snickered as he gestured Kid to follow him. Mentioned boy clenched his fist but swallowed back the rage the fat ass had ignited before he followed the wizard into the fort.

"Now, before you can continue," Eric said, stopping, "You must choose your class; Fighter, Mage, Thief, or Jew." He gestured with his staff to four outfits that hung from the rack.

"A fighter has courage, honor, and the ability to kick fucking ass," Eric said, pointing to the fighter outfit with his staff. He then gestured to the mage outfit.

"A mage is like a wizard, only not as cool." Kid frowned at this. He didn't want anything to do with being similar to the fat ass dick. Eric then pointed at the thief outfit. He then looked back at Kid.

"You look sneaky enough to be a thief." At this, Kid smirked. He then glanced to the last outfit. Eric frowned.

"Jew huh? I guess we'll never really be friends." Kid frowned. Looks like not only was Eric a dick as well as a fat ass, but he seemed to also be racist. _'Fucking great,'_ he thought. Taking one final look at each of the outfits, Kid went for the thief garb.

"A white thief? Haven't seen a good one of those in a while...," Eric muttered. Kid felt himself frown again as Eric turned around to the others.

"Everyone! Welcome to our kingdom Douchebag the Thief!"

"Hooray!" Butters cheered.

Clyde, Scott, Kenny, and Dylan all applauded politely before turning back to their tasks. Kid smiled.

"Now Douchebag," Eric said making Kid turn to him, "Go over to the Weapon's shop and procure a weapon. Then, we will teach you how to fight."

Kid nodded, turning, and making his way over to Clyde.


	3. Backstab

Kid pulled the hood of his blue cape over his head, the hood shadowing his face and blocking out the daylight. He smoothed out the wrinkles in his blue shirt. He then readjusted his elbow pads before turning back to Clyde.

The weapon's master nodded, handing him a wooden dagger. Kid took it, turning it over in his hands. He jabbed forwards and sliced with rapid movements, testing it out before giving himself a nod. It would work, for now at least. Honestly, he would have preferred something larger. A tiny smile crossed his face.

The sound of footsteps made him look up. As Eric approached him, Kid could have sworn that he had seen an evil twinkle in the fat kid's eye. Kid frowned._ 'I have this feeling that someone is about to get screwed over...'_

"Ah!" Eric exclaimed, "You have procurred yourself a weapon!" _'Obviously,' _Kid thought, mentally rolling his eyes. "Nice. It is now time to teach you how to fight," Eric finished. At this, Kid couldn't stop a grin from coming onto his face. Eric chuckled and smirked, amused at the new kid's anticipation.

"I want you to take your weapon, and," he then said, smirk widening, "with the bravery of a noble knight - beat up Clyde." Eric pointed with his staff at the mentioned boy. Clyde perked up, blinking.

"What?" Eric ignored the question.

"Kick Clyde's ass new kid!" Kid looked over at Clyde.

"What did I do?" Clyde asked.

"I'm the king Clyde," Eric snapped, jerking around to the warrior, who flinched, "And the king wishes to be amused!" He then turned back to Kid. "Go on, new kid. Kick his ass."

Kid shrugged before moving further away. Clyde pulled out his blade. When Kid turned back around, his eyes could already see that the other boy was frustrated. Most likely from Eric's bullcrap. Kid wasn't entirely surprised.

He tilted his head to the side to let his bangs move out of the way. Staring at Clyde with a steady gaze, Kid waited, idly twirling his wooden dagger. The new kid relaxed, his eyes unblinking. Clyde held his blade at the ready, staring back. The other boys began to gather around, keeping a long distance away to make sure no one gets hit by accident. Then, Clyde attacked.

Kid didn't even flinch when the boy ran straight at him, even though it did surprise him. Clyde swung the blade before he was right on top of him. Kid instinctively ducked and rolled out of the way. Just as Clyde ran past, Kid struck.

He propelled himself at the boy's exposed back, tackling Clyde to the ground. The boy fell with a grunt, face scrunching up in pain, as Kid rolled back up to his feet. He backed away, raising the dagger and falling in a defensive stance. As Clyde stumbled back up to his feet, he glared at Kid hatefully.

"Oh hell yeah!" Eric cheered, "Clyde's your bitch!"

"That was a pretty cheap move," Clyde hissed. Kid couldn't stop the tiny quirk of his lips. This made Clyde grit his teeth. With a roar, the boy rushed at him once more. Kid knew that his technique from before wouldn't work, so, he simply caught the blow that Clyde had struck him with. The two stood at a standstill, pushing back with all their strength. However, Clyde was stronger and pushed Kid back. He then struck out with his sword, stabbing Kid in the shoulder.

The new kid leapt back, raising the dagger once more, scowling at Clyde's triumphant expression. Kid rolled his throbbing shoulder, breathing heavily. _'Now he's gonna get it,'_ he thought.

"Clyde's wearing armor," Dylan called from the sidelines, "To hurt him, you gotta hit him as hard as you can!"

At this Kid's tiny grin was back. That could certainly be arranged.

He rushed at Clyde, grip on his dagger tightening. The other boy was surprised but recovered quickly, sword swinging in order to parry Kid's attack. Kid smirked. He rolled to the left, completely dodging the blade and struck out with his dagger. The blade hit Clyde's sword hand, knocking the offending weapon out of Clyde's hands. He then twisted and struck Clyde in the nose with the back of his fist before jumping back.

He could have sworn that he heard it crack.

"Ow!" Clyde stumbled back, holding his nose.

"Oh shit dude!" Eric said, clapping, "I think I see blood! Fucking nice brah! That's _exactly _what you do to guys with armor like that!"

Sure enough, there was blood running down from Clyde's bleeding nose. Kid felt himself smirk. He was _really _starting to like this game. It was fun. Eric turned to Clyde, giving a nod.

"The key to winning a fight is not to get hit in the balls," Eric said to Kid, "Clyde, it's your turn to attack. Douchebag, protect your balls."

Protect your balls. Kid snorted in amusement as Clyde rushed him once more. The other boy raised his sword and swung. Kid blocked it easily.

"Pretty sweet!" Dylan called, cheering.

"That's what I'm talking about! Dude, you're already way better than Clyde!" Eric nodded, "All right. Time to use your heroic powers!"

_'The fuck?'_ Kid turned to look at Eric with a glance of extreme confusion. He then glanced over to some of the others. When his gaze rested on Dylan, the knight winked. Kid raised an eyebrow but turned back to Clyde. Suddenly, he got an idea.

Kid rushed at Clyde, who prepared to block. However, Kid quickly veered to the right and away from the other boy. Clyde had on a look of confusion when he leapt over the weapon's table.

"Where the hell are you going?" Kid however seemingly disappeared. Clyde got this really bad feeling... Suddenly, something tackled him from behind, slamming his face into the hard ground. He winced as more blood began to flow from his nose. Clyde glanced up, gritting his teeth as he saw the new kid's smirk. He really was a fucking douchebag. The smirk then turned into a tiny, kind smile and a hand was outstretched to help him up. Clyde took it, hand taking the piece of cloth that the other hand had to offer.

"Ha ha ha! Dude, that was awesome!" Eric laughed, "You were all like, wham! And Clyde was like 'Nooo!' Ha ha, that was sweet!"

Kid rolled his eyes and let out a soft sigh. He was _really _starting to not like Eric..._ 'He's one big fat ass dick,' _he couldn't help but think.

"Okay, okay," Eric said, wiping his eyes of the tears of laughter, "You've proved yourself worthy Douchebag. Now, come inside the war tent and I shall let you see the relic." Eric then turned around and made his way inside the fort. Clyde limped off to the weapon shop and leaned on the table, holding the handkerchief to his nose to stop the bleeding. The others dispersed, leaving Kid to follow Eric.

_'Just the way that Eric had said that...,'_ he thought, shuddering, _'It makes me _really _uncomfortable...' _

He entered the fort after attaching the wooden dagger to his belt.

* * *

_**Hope you guys are enjoying this so far! *Grin* **_


	4. Lost Relic

_**Completely forgot about this: I do not own South Park. That honor is for the great and powerful geniuses known as Trey Parker and Matt Stone. **_

_**Secondly, no, I do not speak Spanish. I known someone who understands it, but I don't speak it myself.**_

* * *

Upon entering the fort, Kid could already feel his gaze traveling to several places inside the tent. There were objects of all kinds. However, he had to stop walking before he had run into Eric, the boy standing stock still in front of a dais and chair. Kid raised an eyebrow before taking his place right beside the other boy and turned to gaze upon 'the relic'.

It was a stick on top of a pillow.

Kid frowned. _'So, that's the Stick of Truth?' _he thought, _'Dylan likes to over exaggerate, it seems...'_ His attention turned to Eric, who had started to talk.

"Well, there it is," the wizard was saying, "The reason humans and elves are locked in a never ending war. The relic for which human and elf are willing to die. The Stick of Truth." Eric turned to look at Kid with a serious expression on his face.

"Just two days ago, we took the Stick back from the elves. Our kingdom was dying, but now, it thrives! For whoever controls the Stick, controls the universe." He quickly turned around, shielding his eyes. Kid blinked in confusion.

"Don't gaze at it too long! For its power is too much for mere mortals to look at!" The two then turned to leave the tent. However, Eric placed a hand on Kid's shoulder, stopping him.

"Now that you've seen the Stick of Truth, let's discuss your dues," he said, "Being a member of my kingdom costs nine ninety-five for the first week, four dollars of which is tax deductible..."

_'The fuck?'_ Kid frowned,_ 'No one ever mentioned anything about paying... I wonder if the elf king makes his people pay. If not, I think I would have better luck with him.' _Suddenly, Kid was jerked out of his thoughts by the sound of Butters yelling from outside the tent. The blond boy ran in, pointing outside.

"The elves are attacking!"

"Oh my God! Defensive positions!" Both Eric and Butters then ran out the tent. Kid shook his head before joining them, already grabbing the hilt of his dagger on his belt.

Upon exiting the tent, Kid could already see that the Kupa Keep humans were all huddled together. Further ahead, on the other side of the fence where the gate was open were a group of boys with fake elf ears tied to their heads. He quickly hurried over to the group of humans, stopping beside Dylan to hear the plan.

"Man the gates!" Eric ordered, "Don't let the elves through!"

"Give us the Stick humans!" One of the elves ordered. Kid assumed that that was the leader.

"Fuck you, Drow Elf!" Eric shouted in reply, "Come and get it!" He then turned to Clyde. "Clyde, guard the Stick of Truth while we defend the fortress."

"Aye aye!" Clyde gave a nod and headed towards the fort, Eric shouting after him, "Aye aye? We're not playing pirates Clyde!" He then shook his head, sighing. Then, he turned to Kid.

"Douchebag," he said, "This is your chance to prove yourself. Hold off the asshole elves at all cost!"

He could do that.

Immediately, Kid broke into a run, following Dylan, Scott, and Butters as the group of boys charged the enslaught of elves. Out of the corner of his left eye, Kid could see Eric standing near the tent with Princess Kenny. He frowned. Princess Kenny had an excuse as to not fight, after all, he (or she? He wasn't sure) had a knight in shining armor to do it for him (or her? Still not sure). Eric seemed to be _such _a pussy.

With a sigh, Kid pulled his dagger off of his belt. Two elves ran straight at him, one stopping further away and pulling out a bow while the other continued towards him, sword raised. One, he could handle. Two? That might be pushing it a little.

The sword wielding elf attacked him, swinging right at his head. Kid ducked and rolled between the elf's legs. He saw the other elf draw back with his bow and the new kid got an idea. A smirk came onto his face. He hopped back up to his feet before sticking out his tongue at the archer. The elf gritted his teeth and fired. Kid easily ducked, the arrow flying over him and hitting the sword wielding elf. Mentioned elf grunted, falling to the ground.

Kid then rushed at the archer. The elf tried to get more shots off but ended up missing since Kid refused to stay still. Finally, when he was in range, Kid tackled the boy onto the ground, sending the bow clattering away. He gave the elf a punch to the face, knocking the elf out instantly.

However, Kid knew that it wasn't over. He barely managed to dodge an attack from behind. The other elf had gotten back up. The sword went right past him and hit the unconscious elf that was on the ground. The boy let out an 'oof' sound, but didn't stir. Kid leapt off the boy and twirled his blade before smacking the other boy with its flat side. He then stabbed forwards.

The other elf saw that coming though and blocked. The two stood at a standstill before Kid pulled back. Thrown off balance, the elf fell forwards right into Kid's next attack. The boy rammed his dagger forwards into the kid's gut and he fell down in a heap.

Suddenly, Kid saw Dylan rush past him. The boy turned to look over to see what had gotten Dylan's attention. There was an elf kicking and beating Scott, who lay helpless on the ground. Kid immediately recognized him as the kid from earlier. He felt his lip curl. However, before he could attack, Dylan had gotten there first.

The noble knight didn't seem so noble as he tackled the elf to the ground. Quickly, the brunet boy rolled to his feet with a feral snarl. The visor of Dylan's helmet fell over to block his vision, but it didn't deter him. Neither did the fact that his grey scarf had fallen into a pile at his feet. Kid decided to interfer then, rushing up behind the elf. Dylan grabbed onto the boy's shirt and threw him to the ground, giving a sharp kick to the guy's stomach. The elf rolled to his feet, groaning. That's when Kid attacked.

He leapt onto the boy's back, hands wrapping around the elf's throat from behind. The boy choked, trying to throw him off, but Kid's grip was tight. Dylan then attacked, his giant sword swinging. Kid jumped off before the blade connected. The new kid could hear the sound of something cracking and the elf fell to the ground, grabbing onto his now broken arm.

"Oh shit! Knight Dylan's out for blood!" Eric grinned, "Fucking nice hit brah!"

"Get out of here kid," Dylan hissed, "And get that sorry pathetic ass of yours to a hospital." The boy whimpered and then made his way out of there. Dylan pushed the visor back up and out of his eyes, put his scarf back on, then rushed off to finish some of the other elves, rage still burning hot. Kid decided that helping Butters would be a better bet.

Kid found Butters being attacked by one other elf, so he decided to give him a hand.

Rushing forwards, Kid raised his dagger and smacked the elf in the back of the head. The boy jerked forwards, crying out. Kid's eyes met Butters. The blond seemed hesitant, but then raised his hammer and struck the elf as he fell forwards.

"Ouch, ouch, ouch," the kid muttered. He held his head. Kid could vaguely see blood dripping onto the ground.

"Drow elves!" Kid glanced up at the elves' leader, "Fall back I say! Fall back!"

The elves all ran off, following their leader and nursing their wounds. Once they were gone and out of sight, Eric gave a loud cheer of victory. The group of humans gathered together as their leader did this. Scott and Butters high fived each other. Kid felt a tiny grin come onto his face. Dylan still looked slightly pissed off, but was immediately calmed down by Princess Kenny when he (or she?) patted him on the shoulder.

"Take that you asshole elves!" Eric cheered, "Better luck next time!" He then did a little dance, sticking out his tongue, even though the elves couldn't see it, "Na, na, na, na, naaaaa na! We still control the universe!" He then burst into laughter.

"It's gone." Kid turned to look at Clyde who had joined them from his post inside the tent. Then, the reality of what he said came to him. The others also stopped and turned to stare at him.

"What?" Eric asked in disbelief.

"The Stick of Truth," Clyde clarified, "The elves got it."

Everything fell silent. Clyde shifted uncomfortably as they all stared at him. Kid frowned._ 'How the hell did he lose the Stick? What exactly was he doing?' _Finally, Eric snapped.

"That was your one goddamned job Clyde!" he shouted, "To guard the Stick of fucking Truth!"

Eric grabbed onto Clyde's shirt, getting right in the other boy's face. Eric had turned all red and he shook the other boy. He then let go of Clyde and walked away, sighing heavily to calm down. Then, he turned back.

"Clyde, you are hereby banished from space and time!"

"What? No!" Clyde protested, "You can't do that!"

"Yeah, I can!" Eric replied, "You're banished and lost in time and space!"

"Yeah!" Butters cut in, "Go home Clyde!"

Clyde curled his lip before shaking his head and leaving out the gate without another word. Kid frowned, eyes following the figure before Eric caught his attention once more.

"You fought bravely on the battlefield, Douchebag," Eric said, nodding.

"Yeah," Scott agreed, "the New Kid may be a Douchebag, but he sure can fight!"

"Shut up Scott, no one cares what you think. Anyway, we have a bigger problem now."

* * *

Eric led the group of humans into the tent and took a seat on the chair. He grabbed the bag of cheesy poofs and began stuffing his face. Kid inwardly cringed as he saw the sight of food being chewed.

"The Stick of Truth has been stolen and we must assemble our entire army to get it back," Eric said, swallowing. Butters stepped forward.

"But our four best warriors haven't reported for duty, my king!"

"Our newest member can take care of that!"

Eric turned to Kid.

"Douchebag," he said, "I want you to go out into the neighbourhood and find my four greatest warriors; Token, Tweek, Amelia, and Craig. I am texting you their pictures to your personal inventory device now." Kid pulled out his phone and checked the pictures that Eric sent him. There were only three pictures.

The first kid was black and male. Kid didn't mean to sound racist, but that would make it easier since he hasn't seen a single African-American person in the entire town so far. The second kid had blond hair that stuck up everywhere. He seemed like he was twitching. Kid wouldn't have been surprised if he had freaked after Eric had taken the picture.

The third was a girl. Her hair was a brownish-blond and she wore a hat reminiscent of a boat captain. Finally, the last was a boy who wore a blue chullo hat with a yellow puffball on top. He seemed like the type to usually wear a blank expression on his face. Both the girl with the captain hat and the boy with the chullo hat were in the same picture. The girl was laughing and the boy with the chullo hat had a tiny smile on his face. Were they a couple?

He decided to ponder that later, shaking his head as he pocketed his phone. Eric got off his chair and put his hand on Kid's shoulder, leading him out of the tent.

"Beware," Eric said, "The lands outside are full of marauding Drow Elves, monsters, and sixth graders. Be sure to be well equipped." Eric turned to the group of humans in the tent.

"I'll be sending Dylan and Butters with you to help. Now go! And send my warriors here!"

Eric gave a slap to Kid's shoulder before going back to his 'throne'. Butters and Dylan both came over and the three made their way to the gate. Kid didn't mind. He was able to team up with either one and still do a good job. It made him feel happily queasy when he thought of what it would be like if all three of them teamed up.

They stepped out into the street.


	5. Call the Banners pt 1

_**Disclaimer: I do not own South Park.**_

_**Now, I recently got a review in regards to readers submitting OCs. I'm perfectly fine with reading stories like this, HOWEVER, I will not be accepting submissions. There are a few reasons for this, but I don't want this Author's Note to take up like, half of the actual chapter. **_

_**Basically, having me trying to add more characters into this story would just make it blow out of proportion. I would have to remember all the tiny details about them and it's easier when it's just my own characters since I created them myself. However, I do respect those who write these types of Reader Submission Stories. **_

_**If I were able to write a story with a gazillion OCs in it, have multiple branching paths for each, AND for it to go well, then I would be sooo happy. But unfortunately, that is not the case.**_

_**Anyways, I'm done. Here you go.**_

* * *

Butters led the way as the three Kupa Keep boys made their way down the street towards Craig's house. Dylan had said that the chullo wearing boy lived the closest to where they were and he would usually be cooped up in his house at this time of day. Most times, Amelia would be there with him. If not though, she would be wandering around town. If that was the case, they would run into her eventually. Meanwhile, Token lived to the North of town while Tweek would be at his family's coffee shop in that direction as well. Either way, Kid couldn't help but sigh when he realized that there would be a _lot _of walking involved.

As they walked down the street, Kid looked up to glance at the houses on their side of the street. He could vaguely see the shadowed face of a kid staring at them from his window. He wondered what that was about when suddenly, he was pulled out of his thoughts when four elves jumped out of a snowman and onto the sidewalk in front of them.

"Oh crap," Dylan said, pulling out his sword.

"A-Are you going to rape us?" Butters was shaking when both Kid and Dylan turned to stare at him. _'Butters, what the fuck?'_ Kid shook his head, pulling out his dagger. The three then returned their attention to the elves.

The first elf ran right at him, Kid blocking the attack with his own blade. Immediately, Dylan and Butters rushed the other three. Kid was pushed back by the elf, stumbling and falling onto his butt. _'God damn me and my bad balance...,'_ he thought. He rolled out of the way of the elf's next attack, springing to his feet, raising his dagger defensively.

"Die human!" The elf rushed him once more. Kid blocked the first blow effortlessly. The second wasn't as lucky however. The flat end of the blade jabbed him in the shoulder and sent him barreling to the ground. Kid winced, dropping his dagger. That was gonna bruise, he was sure of it.

Ducking the next attack, Kid ignored the throbbing in his shoulder as best he could, jumping forwards and slamming right into the other boy's legs. The elf made an 'oof' sound as he fell. Kid pinned the boy to the ground, knocking the wooden sword out of boy's hands before beginning to pummel him with punches. By the time he had finished, the other two had made their way back over. Kid got back up to his feet and picked up his dagger, attaching it to his belt once more.

"Wow, I don't think he'll be getting up for a while," Dylan chuckled. Kid sheepishly shrugged.

"You think he'll be alright?" Butters asked.

"I think he'll be fine," Dylan replied, waving away the question. Then, he turned to Kid, "Let's keep going to Craig's house." Kid nodded. As they continued, Kid pulled out his phone. It had been vibrating in his pocket for a while now. Checking Facebook, he went through several notifications; friend requests from Butters and Scott as well as a message from Clyde. He frowned as he read it.

**Fuck you new kid! Things were fine until you showed up! I'll get you back for this, I swear! **

Kid felt a prickly feeling piercing into the back of his head. He looked around. The sight of something in the nearby house's window grabbed his attention. He turned his gaze to the window to catch a glimpse of brown hair before it vanished.

_'Was that Clyde?'_ Kid frowned, turning to Dylan and tugging on the knight's sleeve. The boy turned to him.

"What is it?" Kid jerked a thumb behind him. Dylan raised an eyebrow.

"You need to get something from home?" Kid paused before nodding. Dylan quirked his lip.

"You want us to come with you?" Kid shook his head. At this Dylan tapped his chin.

"Well, alright," he said, "We'll meet in front of that house over there once you're done with whatever you need to do." Dylan pointed to a brown house further up the street. Kid nodded before Dylan caught up to Butters and after explaining the situation to him, the two carried on the Craig's house. Kid then turned around and went over to the nearby house that he assumed was Clyde's.

Glancing around, he then knocked on the door.

* * *

Dylan and Butters stopped in front of a two-story house. The two companions hopped onto the front porch and Butters knocked on the door. A middle-aged man whose red hair was balding answered the door. He scowled upon noticing the two boys.

"You looking for Craig?" The two nodded, the visor of Dylan's helmet falling down in front of his eyes. When he pushed the visor back up, Mr. Tucker continued his sentence.

"Well, he can't play right now. He's in detention. Something about flipping off the principal." With that said, Mr. Tucker closed the door in the boys' faces. The two fell silent before sharing a glance.

"Looks like we'll have to start with the other guys," Butters said. Dylan sighed.

"Cartman's not gonna be very happy about this," he said. Butters nodded in agreement. The two then made their way off the porch and towards the house Dylan told the new kid to meet them at.

* * *

Kid sighed. He idly twirled his dagger while leaning on the side of the brown house, completely bored. He was rather happy to have spoken with Clyde. He gave a tiny smirk to himself as he thought about it. The kid seemed like an okay guy. The two got along well. He could certainly see himself hanging around with him in the future. Maybe once the game was over.

"Douchebag!" The new kid looked up, smiling at his approaching companions. Once they stood in front of him, Kid noticed how Dylan's expression had turned stoney. He raised an eyebrow, looking to Butters for an explanation.

"C-Craig's in detention," Butters said. Kid was silent before he sighed, bringing up a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. _'Why do I have this feeling that _I'll _be the one saving Craig's ass later?' _he thought. Kid then pulled out his phone and checked the pictures. Deciding that trying to look for Amelia on the way to Tweek's coffee shop and Token's house would be the best bet.

He pulled up the notebook on his phone and typed what he wanted to say and showed his companions. They nodded.

"That's a pretty good idea," said Butters. He gently took both Kid's and Dylan's hands and began to pull them in the direction that they needed to go. Kid smiled. Butters seemed like such a sweet boy.

* * *

Their trip to Tweek's coffee was pretty uneventful compared to their trip to Craig's house. Though that was probably because of them simply avoiding any elves that they may see. Kid had noticed that Dylan had seemingly calmed down while they walked, which he was eternally grateful for.

Pulling the door open, the three stepped inside. Kid became extremely relaxed when the calming music overhead reached his ears. Smiling lightly, Kid walked up to the man he noticed that was behind the counter. Assuming that since the shop was owned by Tweek's family, this man was probably his dad. He gave a friendly smile when the three boys stopped in front of him.

"Welcome to Tweek Coffee," he said, "Coffee made with ingredients supplied by local suppliers. It's local coffee. Brewed locally."

_'Wow, what a greeting,'_ Kid thought. He pulled out his phone and show Mr. Tweak the picture of his son. Mr. Tweak glanced at the picture and then back at Kid. Getting the message, he turned towards the Employee door near the back of the store.

"Tweek?" He called.

There was a surprised cry from behind the door, followed by the sound of something dropping onto the ground and then the startled hiss of a cat. Kid blinked, raising an eyebrow.

"Have you picked up the fresh local ingredients yet?"

"Argh, not yet Dad!" Came the reply, "I'm still trying to do all my chores!"

"Well hurry up son! The family business is relying on you!"

There was another anxious cry from behind the door. Kid had to contain a smile.

"We'll wait out here," Dylan said, putting a hand on Kid's shoulder, "Tweek can get pretty jumpy when there's more than one person around him." Kid snorted. _'More like _really _jumpy...' _He walked over to the Employee door and pushed it open.

The room was full of crates and boxes stacked upon boxes. There was a small table with a coffee machine on it, a fresh cup being made. A shaky hand grabbed the cup and brought it to the boy's lips as he struggled to sweep and drink at the same time. Wild blond hair that stuck up everywhere and jittery movements had Kid knowing that this was the boy that he was looking for.

"Argh! How am I supposed to do all this?" Tweek ranted, "Starbucks has like, eight employees! Here, it's just me!"

Kid made his way over and tapped the twitching boy on the shoulder. Tweek whipped around, blinking frantically. Kid pulled out the paper that Eric had given him and handed it to the jittery boy. His expression became confused as he took the paper. Then, as he read, he began to twitch more profusely then before.

"What's this?" Tweek's voice became more high pitched and sped up as his eyes scanned the page, "Now?! The guys need me now?! Oh, there's no way man! I have too much stuff to do!" He dropped his broom, grabbed onto Kid's shoulders and began to shake him. "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ALL THIS?!" Kid winced. Man, the guy could scream. Suddenly, Tweek let go, relaxing.

"Can you go get the four o'clock delivery for me?" he asked. Kid frowned._ 'What's with people asking me to do stuff for them? The hell?'_ Upon seeing his frown, Tweek began to panic again.

"I-If you do, then I can finish here and I-I'll still have time to play!" he explained.

It seemed like a good idea. Kid gave a nod. A relieved smile crossed Tweek's face before he turned to the table and picked up an envelope. He handed the envelope to Kid, who then put it into his pocket.

"The delivery is at Kenny's house," Tweek said, "If you show them that letter, they'll give you the delivery."

Kid stepped out of the Employee room and sighed when Dylan and Butters came up to him. This was going to take a while. He was getting pretty tired.


	6. Call the Banners pt 2

_**Okay, I would like to point out now that I am still developing some of the characters. So, some of the changes will be appearing in this chapter, such as Dylan having a texas accent. On a sidenote, in the show, Dylan would have an overlarge cow boy hat that would fall into his eyes almost constantly. Also, he was in The Boys' third grade class, but not in their fourth grade class. His closest friend is Kenny. **_

_**On another note, I'll try not to add too many line breaks. **_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own South Park.**_

* * *

Thanks to Butters, the group didn't have to walk all the way to Kenny's house. Kid was very happy about this. Instead, they decided to take something called the Timmy Express. Kid didn't understand why it was called such until he saw it.

Apparently, the boy who drove the "Express" was named Timmy, hence the name. He drove around town on his wheelchair being pulled by a tiny brown pony, several red wagons dragging behind him. The wagons' handles were attached to each other by layers upon layers of duct tape, giving the "Express" several "seats". Kid wasn't entirely sure that it was safe, so he didn't hesitate in taking the wagon at the very front.

"To the McCormick residence!" Butters called from his seat behind Kid, raising his hammer.

"Timmy!" With a snap of the reins, Timmy started the express. Kid held onto the sides of his wagon as they rolled over large pebbles on the sidewalk. Behind him, Kid could hear Dylan talking, so he tried his best to listen over his nervousness of being in a presumably unsafe moving vehicle.

"Timmy is a level 7 Drow Elf that transports warriors around Zaron upon wheels made of elven steel," he was saying in his British accent, the knight's helmet visor dropping over his green eyes. Dylan frowned, pushing his visor up, Butters taking over the description.

"The thing is though, is that Timmy is neutral, unlike the other Drow Elves that are loyal to the evil Elven King. It's pretty handy to have this kind of transportation, ain't it?" Kid found himself nodding in agreement. Dylan's texas accent then piped up from his seat behind Butters.

"Plus there's the added fact that when one faction's on the Express, another can't be. In other words," he then said upon noticing Kid's confused expression, "When one of us, aka the KKK, is on here, an elf can't get on. Same thing if it were the other way around. It's a great way to make sure that some of us don't start shit with each other (Like Cartman would). Plus, Timmy doesn't like people fighting when on the Express. It costs a lot to replace these wagons," He then turned to their driver, "Ain't that right Timmy?"

"Timmy!" Timmy timmied in agreement, flicking the reins once more. Kid nodded, thoughtful expression on his face. It made sense.

As they rode along, Kid found himself watching the scenery pass by. They took a detour through a kid's park, which Kid saw a group of kindergarteners playing on the pirate ship playset. He recognized one of them being Canadian, the boy's egg shaped head being a dead giveaway. The Canadian was talking to another boy wearing a blue head scarf with grey polka dots. Another thing he noticed was that the head scarf boy was holding what looked to be fireworks. Or dynamite. He was hoping for the former.

Kid shook his head, just deciding that it was simply his imagination.

After a few more minutes, the group had reached a rather rundown part of town. Timmy stopped before they crossed the traintracks, yelling out his name once again. The trio climbed out of their wagons, Kid following after Dylan and Butters once he realized that it was highly unlikely for the Timmy Express to cross the tracks and _not _get stuck. Shame.

The trio waved good bye to Timmy and Dylan then led the group onwards. They began to approach a small house. The paint was peeling off in several places and the garage right beside it seemed about to cave in on itself. Actually, he takes that back; both buildings looked like they were about to cave in. There was a broken down truck that didn't even have wheels in the driveway.

_'Kenny lives here?' _he thought, frowning, _'Poor guy.' _

Stepping up onto the porch, Dylan turned to Kid.

"Let me handle this," he said winking. Kid shrugged, handing the envelope that Tweek gave him to the knight. Dylan then took it and knocked on the door. After a few minutes, the door opened revealing a red haired woman. The t-shirt she was wearing said "I'm with Stupid" and had an arrow pointing to her right.

"Howdy Mrs. McCormick," Dylan said, grinning. Kenny's mom's grinned.

"Hey there Dylan," she said, "Something ya need?" He handed the envelope to her.

"We need to pick up a delivery for Tweek's coffee," he explained. Mrs. McCormick opened the letter and pulled out a small note.

"Oh," she exclaimed, "This isn't for me. This is for the nice people renting the guest house in the back." The red haired woman turned around and went back into the house. Moments later, she returned with a key and handed it to Dylan. Then, she returned the note.

"Thanks Mrs. McCormick," Dylan said. She simply waved off the praise before closing the door. Dylan then turned to the other two boys. The visor of his helmet fell down over his eyes once again. He pushed it back up before speaking.

"Here ya go," he said, handing the key to Kid. The new kid smiled in thanks before cranning his neck to look for the guest house. Dylan interrupted Kid's musing with a hand on his shoulder. When Kid glanced at him in confusion, Dylan pointed to the garage. Kid raised an eyebrow in confusion, exchanging a glance with Butters, who shrugged.

The trio then walked over to the garage and with their combined strength, they managed to pull it up and open it. There was a door in the back and Kid walked over to it, inserting the key into the lock. It opened with a click and the trio went inside.

When the three boys entered the garage, a strange smell hit their noses. Kid frowned, glancing around. There were vials and weird beakers over open flames, the liquid colours that he didn't know were possible. There were three adults in the room. From what Kid could tell, there was something wrong with them. He didn't like it.

"Uh, these witch doctors must be cooking up a secret potion," Butters mused, looking at the beakers and vials with unveiled curiosity, "I wonder if it's a healing potion..." Dylan frowned at this statement.

"This ain't no 'potion lab' Butters," he said quietly, glancing suspiciously at the three hobos. Butters looked at him in confusion before turning to look at the three approaching adults. Underneath his cloak, Kid let his hand go straight to his dagger on his waist. Once the hobos were right in front of them, Dylan stepped forwards.

"Ya'll got a package for Tweek's coffee?" The knight pulled out Tweek's envelope and idly began to lazily play with it. The first hobo, presumably the leader, pulled out the cigarette he had between his lips and blew out a wiff of smoke right into the kids' faces. While Butters and Kid coughed, Dylan simply stood his ground.

"Yeah, yeah," the hobo said, taking another drag, "We got the package. You got the envelope?"

Dylan handed the envelope to the lead hobo. The visor of his helmet fell over his eyes once more, the knight pushing it back up to return to observing the smoking hobo. The hobo took the envelope, eyes drifting to its contents. All the members in the room fell silent as the hobo looked through the letter. Then, another of the hobos, a man wearing a grey beanie hat, glanced at the envelope then back to Dylan. His eyes widened.

"Hey, wait a minute...," he said slowly, "This isn't the kid that usually gets the deliveries..."

"What?" The lead hobo looked up from the letter. His eyes widened. "Oh shit! It's a cop!"

The three hobos grabbed the closest things they could use as a weapon. Dylan pulled out his wooden sword, Butters following right behind with his hammer. Kid was already moving, rushing the only female hobo. He stopped right in front of her, spinning in the air and smacking the woman as hard as he could. He turned back to the other two boys and gave a jerk of his head towards the other hobos when the woman stumbled back. They nodded before rushing to engage the other two in combat.

The woman raised the bottle she was holding and slammed it down. Kid rolled out of the way of the attack and into a crouch. He pushed up off the ground to tackle the woman. The two rolled around, the woman unable to get a hit in while Kid tugged roughly on her hair.

The woman screeched and gave him a hard kick to the ribs. Kid was knocked off and flew into a couple of cardboard boxes in the corner. He slowly stumbled to his feet and gave the woman a harsh glare. Twirling his dagger, he rushed her once more.

Further away, Butters and Dylan had teamed up and were taking on the two male hobos. They came at them, one holding an old alcohol bottle while the other held a crowbar. Dylan pushed his hobo off and gave the man a heavy smack of his sword. Dylan blocked the man's crowbar and gritted his teeth. Butters ducked his own hobo's attack and backed away. He then raised his hammer to the sky.

"Feel my righteous fury!" he cried. A hole was blasted through the old ceiling, striking the paladin's hammer. He then aimed the lightning at the hobo in front of him. The man went rigid as the electrical current passed through him before he dropped to the ground with a thud. It then jumped to the hobo Dylan was fighting. Even though he had been hit, the hobo didn't fall. In fact, he only seemed to get madder.

Dylan jumped back, blocking the man's attack. Pushing the man off, Dylan then rushed forwards.

"Right, down, left, down, up, left, right, up, down, left, right, diagonal, right, left...," After several more attacks, Dylan drew back and then struck the hobo hard in the ribs with the tip of his sword. With a groan, the hobo fell to the ground. Twirling his sword before placing it back into the sheath on his waist, Dylan grinned as Butters cheered.

Suddenly, the female hobo's body flew across the room and fell into the pile of hobos that they had made with a groan. They looked over to Kid, the thief dubbed "Douchebag" giving a tiny smirk as he attached his dagger back to his belt. Dylan grinned.

"Now then," the knight said, rubbing his hands together and looking between the two boys, "Let's find the delivery before these guys wake up, shall we?"

* * *

The trio walked back to Tweek's coffee shop since Timmy had left while they were dealing with the hobos. Luckily enough, they didn't run into any issues along the way. Kid went into the backroom, leaving Dylan and Butters outside to wait for him. Tweek and his father were inside, moving several of the boxes around. Upon noticing that he had entered the room, Tweek rushed over to Kid.

"You did it? You got the pick up?" Kid nodded, handing the package to the shaky boy. Tweek smiled.

"Thanks man!" He turned towards where his dad was. "Hey dad! I finished my work! Can I go out to play?" Mr. Tweak turned around and came over.

"Where's today's delivery?" he asked.

"Right here!" Tweek handed the package to his father. Mr. Tweak took it, stuck his finger inside, and then placed it in his mouth. He licked his lips, giving a satisfied nod.

"Yup, that's good shit!" He placed the bag on a nearby table and turned back to his son. "Alright Tweek. You can go play for a little. But be back home before it gets dark or else, you'll be grounded." He then turned back around and continued to work, muttering about how Tweek being grounded was similar to grounded coffee beans. Kid shook his head, turning back to Tweek.

"Thanks kid," Tweek said, grinning, "I gotta go get changed a-and then, I'll meet you at the kingdom!" With that said, Tweek rushed out the room. Kid presumed that he was going home. He smiled to himself, pulling out his phone. Upon accepting Tweek's friend request, he updated his status on Facebook.

**Just recruited Tweek. Going to Token's.**

He left the back room to meet up with Dylan and Butters.

* * *

Kid sighed, placing the gas mask over his face.

_'Ain't nobody got time for this shit...,'_ he grumbled to himself. Upon realizing that Token had a security officer right outside his door that used pepper spray, Kid knew that he would need to find some way to get past him. This was all from personal experience, mind you. Being sprayed in the face with pepper spray _fucking hurts_.

Plus, it didn't help that Dylan had taken a picture and then put it up on Facebook. It also didn't help that Butters and Princess Kenny liked it too.

Walking up to the security officer, Kid flipped him off. In response, the officer grew angry, shaking the pepper spray bottle furiously before spraying it in his face. But he was unaffected, making Kid smirk behind the mask.

"What the? Oh fuck." The guard pulled out his baton and attacked. Dylan rushed forwards, blocking and pushing the man back. Then, Butters easily aimed and threw his hammer at the officer, successfully knocking him out.

"I usually don't believe that using violence can solve problems," Butters began, "But I kinda like it." This prompted both Dylan and Kid to laugh as they made their way past the officer's unconscious body and up Token's driveway. After opening the garage and checking around for stuff, Kid and the others climbed onto the front porch. The new kid knocked on the large, elaborately decorated door. Minutes later, it opened.

An African-American boy answered. He seemed to be about their age and matched the description in the picture Cartman gave him. Kid then assumed that this was Token.

"Hello? Can I help you?" Kid reached into his pocket and handed Token the letter Cartman gave him. Token read it, his mouth falling into the shape of an 'o'.

"Oh, the elves took the Stick again? Hold on a sec." The door closed. The trio waited for a few more minutes before Token opened the door once more.

"I thank you for thy message, traveller," he said, "I shall make haste, to Kupa Keep!" With that said, Token turned around.

"Mom!" he called, "Can you drive me to Eric's house?" The door closed and Kid pulled out his phone. Accepting Token's friend request, Kid then updated his status on Facebook.

**Got Token. Next is Amelia. **

Kid shut his phone off, frowning. This one could take a while.

* * *

They had gone all around town and still hadn't found her.

"God damnit," Dylan swore, "Where could she be?" He adjusted his scarf, frowning. Butters sighed.

"I'm sure we'll find her soon," the paladin said, "We just need to look harder!"

"Easier said then done, it seems," Dylan muttered. Kid felt his frown deepen. The thief then glanced around to see where the group was headed. It appeared that they were passing by a notice board with several posts on it of random things.

"Hey! Give it back!"

"Yeah, you stupid bitch! Give Annie her Justin Bieber toy!"

"I don't think so!"

Kid turned his gaze to the noise. There were three rather large girls surrounding two smaller ones. The three bullies were tossing a Justin Bieber toy in between the three of them, just out of the other girls' reach.

"That's my Justin Bieber toy!" the girl, who he assumed was Annie said. She seemed like she was about to cry, the tears welling up. She had curly blonde hair. Kid had to admit, she looked rather cute.

"Not anymore it's not!" One of the bullies smacked Annie down onto the ground. The other girl's lip curled.

She was wearing a black jacket, sleeves rolled up to above her elbows. She wore three yellow, almost gold, bracelets on her left arm. Underneath her jacket, she wore a deep blue dress that opened out into a cape with frills at the ends. She wore a white dress with blue frills under the cape that ended just above her knees. Finally, she wore black socks that ended just below her dress and brown boots. However, her most distinguishing feature was the boat captain's hat she had on and her brownish blonde hair.

"You're gonna get it now, you fucking bitch," she hissed, reaching into the pockets of her jacket and pulling out a pair of brass knuckles.

Looks like they had found Amelia.

Kid sighed, pulling out his dagger. Dylan and Butters followed suit with their own weapons.

* * *

"You like beating up on girls?"

Kid shook his head, sighing. He knelt down, picking up the Justin Bieber toy on the ground. With quick strides, the quiet boy made his way over to Annie and Amelia, the former of which had just been helped up. He handed the doll to her. She wiped her eyes and took the toy.

"I hope they didn't break it!" She tugged on the string at the back. When it vibrated, she smiled. He couldn't help but think that she looked cute when she smiled. It made him blush slightly.

"Thank you," she said, "I owe you one!" She then turned to Amelia. "Thanks Amelia!" Amelia grinned.

"No problemo Annie!" Smiling, Amelia waved as Annie walked off in the direction of a nearby park bench. Amelia then turned to them.

"That was damn nice of you," Amelia said, grinning. "Thanks for the help."

She crossed her arms, and turned to Dylan and Butters.

"Something you guys need?" Kid pulled out the letter Cartman wanted to give her and handed it to Amelia. The girl blinked before taking it. She read through the contents before giving a heavy sigh.

"Again?" she asked. Butters chuckled awkwardly.

"Y-Yeah," he said, "We aren't entirely sure how Clyde managed to lose it!"

"It was Clyde who fucked up?" Dylan laughed.

"When doesn't he?" Amelia rolled her eyes before turning to Kid.

"I'll head to Kupa Keep then," she said, "I bet you're heading back too?" Kid turned to Butters and Dylan, who both nodded.

"Alrighty then," she said, "Let's get going!"

Kid pulled out his phone. A friend request from Amelia as well as one from Annie. He swallowed, a light pink crossing his cheeks as he accepted. Then, he updated his status once more.

**Finished. Heading back now. **


	7. Break Out

"All warriors reporting for duty, Grand Wizard!" Butters voice rang out. The warriors gathered together just outside of the fort. With the exception of Craig, everyone else was there. Cartman stepped out of the tent. He didn't seem to realize that Craig wasn't there yet.

_'Oh well,' _Kid thought, _'He will soon enough.'_

"Nice work Douchebag," the Wizard said, nodding to Kid. The thief's face was stony as he gave a sharp nod. Cartman then turned away, looking over his men.

"Now, all my men are ready to fight for the- Wait a minute." The human leader then did a double take. He then glanced around once. Then twice. Kid frowned. _'Looks like he's noticed.'_

"Where is Feldspar?" Cartman asked, "Where is my level 12 thief?" The other warriors held back winces. They glanced at each other, waiting for one of their fellows to answer.

"He's in detention," Token finally said. The boy flinched as Cartman rounded on him.

"What?"

"H-He flipped off the principal," Tweek stuttered in explaination, "So he's in detention again!" Cartman sighed, bringing his hand up to his face. "Oh my God..." After a few moments of silence, the hand dropped and the human Wizard's face became determined.

"If they've locked away our thief in detention, then we have no hope of taking back the Stick of Truth," Cartman said, "We have to break him out!" Tweek flinched, the boy shaking and twitching even moreso than before.

"Agh! No way man! Last time we broke Craig out of detention, we all got in trouble!" The twitching boy flailed slightly as the pressure seemed to get to him. Amelia placed a reassuring hand on the boy's shoulder.

"Getting in trouble is a risk that Douchebag is willing to take!" Cartman turned to Kid. Inwardly, Kid was grumbling to himself about the unfairness of it all. _'I _knew _it... I _knew _that I would have to bust him out... God damnit. Is this payback for not getting him here in the first place?' _Cartman made his way over and placed a hand on his shoulder. Kid wanted to shake it off.

"You have to break out our thief, Douchebag," Cartman said in all seriousness, "But don't worry, I will not let you go unprepared. I am going to teach you how to use magic. Meet me at the training barracks. It's time for you to learn 'Dragonshout'."

With that said, the overweight Wizard let go and quickly walked over to the training grounds. One by one, the others left to return to their duties. With a sigh, Kid was about to follow Cartman when a hand on his shoulder stopped him. He turned to see Dylan. The knight jerked his head and walked into the tent. Kid's expression became confused, but he soon followed.

Inside the tent, Dylan walked over to a stack of comic books and took a seat on them. He nodded to the cardboard box beside him. Kid sat on the box before turning to Dylan, silently asking what it was that he wanted.

"I bet you're wondering more about the Guild," the knight said. Kid nodded in agreement.

"You can ask me anything you like. But make it quick, 'cause Cartman's waiting for you."

"You mentioned something about how _'Fighting fellow members is forbidden unless necessary'. _And then you mentioned something called 'flames'." Dylan smirked at Kid's immediate questions. The visor of the knight's helmet fell down over his eyes. Dylan pushed it back up before continuing.

"If we were to fight amongst each other, that would create distrust within the ranks," he explained, "However, there are times when we can't avoid it. Such as our members within the KKK and our member within the Elven kingdom."

"There's a member within the Elven kingdom?" Kid asked, tilting his head. Dylan nodded.

"But remember the rules," the knight added, winking, "We can't rat out fellow members." At this, Kid smiled. Dylan then cleared his throat and continued with his explanation once more. "Now, flames are a bit more trickier to explain. It was actually one of our other members who suggested it; he's a big fan of an anime called _Reborn_, I think it was. Our flame is based on our fighting prowess, intelligence, fighting power, defense, healing, and deceit.

"I'd go into detail about it, but we don't have much time so I'll just give you a summary." Kid shrugged. A short summary was better than no description at all.

"Based on the above traits," Dylan continued, "We classify each person with their specific flame that is closest to their personality. For example, my flame is Storm. I have a high level of fighting power." Kid frowned.

"What's the difference between fighting power and fighting prowess?" Dylan grinned.

"I knew you would ask that," he teased. Kid rolled his eyes. Dylan then cleared his throat once more. "Fighting power is how much _power _is put into one's attacks. Fighting prowess is mainly the _techinique _in one's attacks. By technique, I mean the _thought _that goes into one's attacks. You have pretty high fighting prowess," Dylan added, much to the thief's surprise, "And you seem pretty smart. Those are rather common traits for those who have a Cloud flame."

"What are the main attributes for flames?" Kid asked. Dylan tapped his chin.

"Well," he then said, "Storms have high fighting power. In addition, they have high intelligence, but not higher then their power, naturally. Clouds are about high fighting prowess. They also have high intelligence, mainly for the thought that they need to put into their attacks. Suns have high healing. They can heal allies with words of motivation. Plus, their fighting power is pretty high. Rains are extremely intelligent. They have a calming effect on just about everyone they come into contact with. Their defense is their second best trait.

"Those who are Lightning flames are very defensive and divert enemies' attention from their allies to themselves. Their second best trait is fighting prowess. Finally, Mist flames are extremely deceitful. Their second best trait is a tie between fighting prowess and fighting power. There's also the occasional Mist with a high healing trait.

"Usually," Dylan then added, "Rains and Storms work best together, as well as Suns and Clouds, surprisingly enough. Mist can work with the Cloud, but they don't always get along. Lightning works best with a Rain or a Storm. Also, Storms can work with Clouds, creating rather devastating results." At this last comment, Kid tapped his chin.

"Is that why we're able to work together so well? Since you're a Storm and I'm a Cloud?" Dylan smiled. "I thought you would notice. It seemed pretty easy to see." Kid thoughtfully gave a nod. Dylan chuckled, standing from the comic-chair he was sitting on. Leaning over, the knight patted his head.

"Anyway, if you have any more questions, come talk to me," he said. "Or you could go to Amelia, I don't think she would mind."

_'That explains who the other member within the KKK is,'_ Kid thought, smacking Dylan's hand away. The other boy grinned.

"Come on," he said, "You better hurry before Cartman comes looking for you." Kid nodded, standing from the cardboard box he was sitting on. As they made to leave the tent, Dylan placed a hand on Kid's shoulder and leaned over to whisper something.

"I might have some Guild assignments for you if you want to do something," he said, "If that's the case, I'll be in my usual spot."

With that, the two left the tent.

* * *

"About damn time," he heard Cartman mutter as he drew closer. Kid mentally rolled his eyes, stopping in front of the overweight Wizard. Cartman cleared his throat.

"You fight well, Douchebag," the human leader said, "but in order to truly succeed in combat, you must learn to harness the power... of your farts." At this, Kid's blank expression became stony. _'My farts...?'_ He thought, _'You have got to be kidding me...' _His attention returned to Cartman as the fat boy began to give an explanation. The Wizard was pacing in front of him.

"Farting on an opponent at precisely the right time is key to battle. I shall show you how it's done, but first, you must take the Gentlemen's Oath." Cartman stopped pacing and turned to face him. "You must promise to _never_, _EVER _fart on anyone's balls. Okay? Farting on an opponent is necessary, but farting on someone's balls is _not _cool. Do you understand?" Kid's expression was still stony. Cartman took this as an agreement. "Alright, then let's begin with your training."

"To conjure Dragonshout," the Wizard was saying as they approached one of the training dummies, "you must first clear your mind and take in a deep breath... through your butthole. Like this." With that said, Cartman turned so that his butt faced the dummy. "Then... let it rumble inside... and... Dragonshout!"

The smelly fumes of Cartman's fart seemed to have curled up into a ball and projected itself, exploding as it hit the dummy. Cartman then demonstrated a second time before moving out of the way.

"Now you do it."

Kid was _not _amused.

* * *

Amelia and Kenny were the ones who were assigned to go with him.

Kid didn't mind, though it was a bit awkward with what had happened earlier when he was learning Dragonshout. He had apologized by picking a flower that was in Cartman's backyard and giving it to her (he decided to go with the female gender when referring to Kenny from now on). She had been rather thankful, though he wasn't sure if Kenny had accepted the thanks or not. It was something that he put in the back of his mind in preference for the current task at hand. For now, at least.

The three kids were to go to the school and bust Craig out from detention. It seemed like a simple task, though Kid had this sinking feeling...

In any case, Amelia was the one leading them to the school, her head held high in determination. Kenny walked in the back while Kid walked in the middle. As they passed by the tree that was in between Kid's and Butters' house, the tire swing's rope unraveled. The tire bounced down the slight hill. Both Amelia and Kid stopped in shock as Kenny was hit by the tire and thrown onto the road.

Kenny held onto her head for a moment before giving them a thumbs up.

"Mmph mmphf mmph mmphf!" Kid thought that Kenny had said 'I'm okay you guys!' Kenny got back onto her feet, waving. Both Kid and Amelia smiled and waved back. Then, as Kenny was making her way back to the sidewalk, a large truck came by and slammed right into her. Kid flinched at the sound of bones breaking and blood spurting all over the road. Amelia gasped.

"Oh my God!" She exclaimed, "She killed Kenny!"

* * *

Somewhere further down the street, in the Broflovski's backyard, the Elven King's head snapped up.

"You bastard!" He shouted, shaking his fist at the sky. The other elves of the kingdom flinched in surprise at the exclamation. A girl with white blonde hair leaned over and placed a hand on her King's arm. The other elves returned their attention to their duties, knowing that their Lady had everything under control.

"My lord? Is everything alright?" Kyle lowered his fist and patted her hand.

"I'm fine, Sabrina," he said calmly. Sabrina bit her lip before sighing. The King's most loyal ranger, Stan Marsh, made his way to the throne, expression confused.

"Kyle? Is something wrong?"

"She killed Kenny." One of the ranger's eyebrows was raised.

"She killed Kenny?"

"She killed Kenny," the King nodded sagely.

"That bastard!" Stan exclaimed.

Sabrina raised a hand to her face, giving an exasperated sigh.

* * *

After staring in shock between Amelia, Kenny's dead body, and the sudden shout that came from the house at the end of the street, Kid shook his head and just decided to keep going. He sighed as Amelia began walking ahead to lead the way once more.

It had taken at least thirty minutes, but just as they passed the recreation centre and reached the school, Kenny rejoined them again. Kid noticed, but decided not to question it. If anything, he assumed that it was a more or less normal occurrence in the town of South Park.

Sneaking up to the side of the building, the trio leaned in to peer through an open window. Inside was what Kid assumed to be the cafeteria. A group of students were inside and sitting at the different tables, papers, pencils, and pens scattered before them. Some were actually doing the work before them. However, there was one boy that was looking at his watch and making it no secret.

The boy wore a blue chullo hat upon his head aside from the brown, rogue like attire. Kid assumed that it was Craig. The teacher at the front of the room glanced up from what he was doing, the trio ducking down so that they weren't seen.

"Craig? Craig? This is _detention_," they heard the man say, "M'kay, stop looking at your watch, 'cause you're in here for _three hours_ buddy! M'kay?" It was quiet before they heard the reply.

"Whatever." Kid snorted in amusement while the other two of his party held back snickers.

"Now," the teacher continued, "Don't think your friends are gonna come bust you out this time, Craig!" The thief's response came back almost immediately.

"My name is Feldspar and I'm a level 12 thief and the humans will soon come rescue me from this tower." Kid brought a hand to cover his mouth to muffle his snickers. The other two had also done the same. The three exchanged grins.

"No," the teacher retorted, "Your name is fuckin' _Craig Tucker _and you're in _detention_! Now start doing your homework! M'kay, I've got all the doors sealed and I've got hallway monitors working overtime - nobody is gonna save your ass today Craig! M'kay?!" After this, the detention hall fell into silence. The trio shuffled out from under the window to the front door of the school.

"The best way to bust Craig out," Amelia said, grinning, "is to go in all ballsy. It throws those damn hall monitors off guard! And I do _love~ _to beat the shit out of hall monitors!" Kenny let out a sound of agreement. Kid snorted in amusement. With that said, Amelia lifted a leg and kicked open the front door. A loud bang was made as the wooden doors slammed into the wall, startling the single hall monitor that was in the room.

"E-Excuse me," the ginger said, "But school is out-" He was cut off mid-sentence by Amelia's fist smashing into his face. The blow knocked him backwards onto the floor, groaning. The girl stood above him, grinning as she readjusted the brass knuckle on her right hand, it having had come loose when she hit him. The hall monitor scrambled back as she approached. Just as his back hit the wall, the ginger pulled out a walkie-talkie.

"Officer down! Officer down! Send backup!"

* * *

"I repeat," Mr. Mackey's walkie-talkie said, "Officer down! All hallway monitors to the right hallw- Ack!" The message was cut off. The councillor frowned, hands balling into tight fists.

"Oh, God damnit."

Sitting at his table, Craig pulled out his watch and turned to look at it.

"Heeeere they come," he intoned. Mackey's face snapped to him.

"They're not gonna get you Craig! You're _not _getting out of detention!" Craig just stared back at the school councillor unemotionally, not even blinking.

"I'll be out of here in ten minutes."

* * *

The trio raided the entrance hall before taking the right door; correction, the _only _open door. Kid found it suspicious, but it's not like he shouldn't have expected it. Amelia did just kick the front door open like a boss and then pummeled the first enemy they faced to mush. The thief shuddered. Girls were scary.

Or maybe that was just Amelia?

In any case, just as they went through the door, a group of hall monitors knocked over several tables that they must have put there as make-shift barriers.

"Intruder alert!" One shouted, "Initiate security protocol!"

Just above the small group of enemies, Kid noticed a sprinkler. He tapped Kenny's shoulder before pointing up at the sprinkler. Kenny nodded, and with her bow, shot. The arrow rung true as it hit the sprinkler, activating it. Kid then pointed to the broken announcement speaker that was just barely hanging from the wall. Kenny shot that too. When the speaker hit the floor below it that was wet because of the sprinkler, an electrical shock ran through the entire group of hall monitors, all of which were standing in the water. Groaning, each fell over one by one.

Vaulting over the barrier, the trio turned the corner to see the cafeteria door. Kid grabbed the knob and struggled to turn it to no avail. He gritted his teeth. Behind the door, the teacher from earlier, Mr. Mackey, began talking.

"You're not gonna get through this door. M'kay," Mackey was saying, "You might as well give up 'cause I've hidden the key somewhere and you'll never find it in my office." Kid smirked. "Aw, damnit... m'kay."

The trio backed away from the door and headed further down the hall in search of the key to the cafeteria.

* * *

Kid sighed, picking up the fallen gold key that Kenny had just shot down from the top of the shelf. _'About damn time,'_ he thought, _'That took way longer then I thought it would be.' _He honestly was getting a bit annoyed. From Kenny showing her 'boobs' off to Amelia entirely smashing open the door that led to getting the silver key, he was just extremely tired. Leaving the councillor's office (after Amelia messed around with Mackey's folders), the trio then returned to the cafeteria door.

As Kid was about to unlocked it, a voice spoke up from behind them.

"That's far enough, intruder!"

The three companions turned around to face the person who spoke. It was another hall monitor, making Kid sigh. However, he seemed more beefy than the others.

"Where's your hall pass?"

Silence.

"No hall pass? Then I guess it's time to write you a referral." The boy pulled out a rather large stick with what appeared to be a heavy chain, a dodge ball attached. Mr. Mackey's voice came from behind the cafeteria door.

"Oh yeah," the councillor said, "That's the boss. Good luck fighting the boss, m'kay. You still think this is a game, young man?"

"God fucking damnit," Amelia hissed, "They're starting to _really _piss me off!"

The trio pulled out their weapons. The hall monitor then pulled out a walkie-talkie, calling up several more hall monitors. Kenny placed an arrow into her bow and aimed, firing at the first ginger that she had in her sights. Amelia and Kid rushed forwards, Kid taking on the Boss while Amelia dealt with the other guy.

Kid ducked the dodge ball weapon thing (he wasn't even going to _try _to figure out what that was), snapping out an attack with his newly acquired metre stick. His old dagger was all well and good, but he preferred weapons that had longer reach. The stick struck the Boss, however, the heavy armor he was wearing blocked most of the damage. Kid sneered. Looks like he would have to try something else.

Further away, Amelia dodged the enemy's attack. She faked her own while stepping in close before nailing the poor ginger in the jaw, hard. The boy fell over completely defeated when Kenny, having finished with her own opponent, had shot a triple combo at him. With the smaller mobs defeated, the two then went over to give Kid a hand.

Kid rolled out of the way of another of the Boss' attacks. Kenny aimed with her bow and fired several shots. The Boss charged forwards, slamming right into the Princess and flinging her into the wall. Kid saw blood falling to the ground before Kenny flopped down into the puddle herself. He blinked.

"Oh my God, he killed Kenny," he said out loud.

"That bastard," came Craig's muffled reply from inside the cafeteria. Amelia raised an eyebrow at Kid.

"You can talk?" Kid rolled his eyes before returning his attention to the Boss once more.

The Boss gave a roar before rushing Kid. Kid rolled out of the way towards Amelia, the girl then running forwards with a powerful double punch. This blow made the Boss stumble. Kid then ran forward, sliding under the boy's legs and snatching one of his many belongings. He then leaped to his feet, swinging his metre stick at the Boss' head.

The Boss groaned, stumbling forwards right into Amelia's final punch. The blow was so powerful that it flung the hall monitor Boss right into the door to the cafeteria, slamming it open. The ginger landed right in front of Mr. Mackey, groaning. Silence fell over the entire cafeteria before Craig stood from his seat and left through the open door, following the two KKK warriors.

"Thanks for busting me out, kid," Craig said once they got outside, "Who are you?" Kid gave a shy smile, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. When he didn't say anything, Amelia turned to Craig.

"He doesn't really talk. Except for earlier." She turned back to him, hands on her hips, "Why you no talk?" Craig snorted, shaking his head.

"My name is Kid."

Craig and Amelia both turned to him. Craig raised an eyebrow.

"_Kid_? Really?" Kid blushed lightly. Craig smirked.

"I think we'll get along just fine," the chullo wearing boy drawled. A realization came to Kid and he reached into his pocket, pulling out Cartman's note and handing it to Craig. The other boy took it, shoving the piece of paper into his pocket. Amelia then took hold of Craig's hand.

"Do you want to get ice cream or something before we head back to Cartman's place?" Craig shrugged. "Sure, why not?" Amelia's smile brightened. She then turned to Kid.

"You can come too, Kid. That is, if you want to." Kid blinked in surprise.

"R-Really?"

"Come on," Craig said, jerking his head in the direction of town. Kid grinned, joining the two on a trip to get ice cream.

* * *

Upon arriving at Cartman's house once more, the other human warriors of the KKK cheered at the victory. Kenny had arrived early to update them on how the mission had gone, something that Kid didn't really think about. Cartman then called for all of their attention.

"Gentlemen," Cartman began, "and Lady," he added upon seeing Amelia's glare, "thanks to the new kid, our entire army has assembled! It is my belief that the new kid deserves to rank up in level. To honor his efforts, he will no longer be called Douchebag." Kid raised an eyebrow at this from his spot between Craig and Dylan. Cartman turned to him with a smirk.

"New kid, I hereby dub thee _Sir _Douchebag. Congratulations!" Kid felt himself glare at the offending fat boy. Cartman simply shook it off though, returning his attention to the others.

"But now, it is time to take what is rightfully ours. A carrier raven has some news that the Stick of Truth has not yet been taken to the Elven forest." At this, just about everyone leaned forward in anticipation.

"It is currently in the possession of... the Bard."

There were several gasps. Kid raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"The Bard is a level 10 Drow elf who can use magic to enchant and destroy his enemies," Butters explained. Kid frowned. Cartman's voice drew him out of his thoughts.

"If the carrier ravens are correct," the Wizard said, "the Bard is hiding out at the Inn of the Giggling Donkey. We must find him before he is able to take the Stick of Truth back to the Elven forest. However, before we do that..." Cartman turned to Kid.

"Sir Douchebag! It is time to continue your training! Meet me at the training grounds."

As Cartman walked away, Kid gritted his teeth, angrily flipping the fat boy off. Beside him, Dylan, Craig, and Amelia snickered quietly._ 'I really hate that that _fat ass _is telling me what to do... He has no right...' _


	8. The Bard

From behind some bushes, the members of the human faction peeked their heads up above the leaves. Before them was a rather normal looking blue house. Kid raised an eyebrow, but the logic of the decision was rather simple. Having the Inn of the Giggling Donkey inside someone's house was better than having it out in the open. At least, that's what he thought. Ducking down behind the bushes, the group of humans then sat in a circle, facing each other.

"Paladin, are you sure that the Bard is hiding out in there?" Cartman asked, jerking his thumb at the house. Butters nodded.

"That's what Twitter said!" Cartman rolled his eyes, sighing.

"Carrier raven Butters!" The Wizard corrected.

"S-Sorry," Butters stuttered, "That's what the carrier raven said." Cartman then nodded, turning to the others.

"Craig and Amelia, guard the back door," he addressed, "Tweek, Token, and Dylan, guard the front." He then turned to the final members. "Butters, Kenny, Sir Douchebag... Let's go inside."

Nodding, the infiltrating group stood from their hiding spot and made their way to the front door. Craig and Amelia followed, breaking off from them to find a way to sneak into the backyard while the final group stayed in their spot behind the bushes. With a glance and a nod to his party, Cartman opened the front door.

As they entered the house, Kid glanced around, noticing the many other kids sitting at round tables, drinking and talking amongst each other. Rather catchy music was playing as they made their way to the bar.

At one table, Kid could see a cosplayer of Levi from an anime he was familiar with called Attack on Titan. At another, there were a band of rather rogue-like boys who kept glancing at other members in the room. There was also a boy sitting in the corner closest to the door by himself. He wore a blue hood with a silver lining that completely shrouded his face in darkness. Kid couldn't see his features because of it, but the new kid could tell that that hooded boy was watching them. It made Kid nervous, so he simply turned away.

"Stay close, Sir Douchebag," Cartman warned, "The Inn of the Giggling Donkey harbours the scum of all Zaron." The four gathered at the bar, where the bartender was cleaning a glass. Cartman leaned on the side of the counter.

"A glass of meddlewine, please," Cartman ordered. The bartender shook his head.

"No meddlewine today," he replied, "Only Fairy Ale." Cartman shrugged.

"A pint of Fairy Ale then." As the bartender slid the pint of Fairy Ale to Cartman(which was actually a plastic cup that was filled with vitamin water), the Wizard turned to face him directly. Leaning on the counter and tapping his fingers on the table top, the Wizard glanced around suspiciously before speaking.

"So... has uh... Anyone seen the Bard lately?"

The music stopped. Kid glanced around with the rest of their party, realizing that everyone in the room was staring at them. _'Real smooth, Cartman,'_ Kid thought to himself, inwardly sighing. The Wizard pushed off the counter, gulping. The thief could tell that their leader was raking his brain, thinking of an excuse.

"A cup of Fairy Ale isn't much if not accompanied by some bardic poems and songs," Cartman quickly stated. If anything, the statement didn't seem to reassure the people in the room. The glaring of the thugs from the tables became worse.

"Sure, he's here alright," the bartender said suspiciously, eyes narrowing, "He's got a room down in the cellar."

"Ah, then I shall pay handsomely for his services." Cartman drank from his cup, finishing it in one go before dropping it to the floor. He gestured for his group to follow him and the four continued on to the basement door, scrutinizing glares from the room's occupants behind them finally turning away, music resuming.

The hooded boy in the corner took a sip from his drink, sighing. He placed the finished cup back onto the table, placing the payment beside it. Finally, as a spur of the moment idea, the unofficial leader of the Guild put an added bonus down before he quickly left the house, cape fluttering out behind him dramatically.

He had a feeling that shit was about to hit the fan and he didn't want to be in there when it did.

* * *

"Butters, Douchebag, go down there and flush him out," Cartman ordered as they stopped outside the basement door, "Princess Kenny and I will be waiting here to murder him. Remember, the Bard can use songs to enchant. Don't let him get to you." Kid frowned, shaking his head before following Butters down into the basement.

It was pretty dark down in the basement even with the light that came in through the window that opened into the backyard. Besides that, Kid still had to squint in order to see where he was going. There was a crash from behind him, Kid's head snapping to see what it was. The thief carefully walked over, taking Butters' hand helping him to his feet.

"T-Thanks Douchebag!" Butters grinned. Kid smiled in return before jerking his head for the blond boy to follow him. With Butters right behind him, Kid led him around the room. After several minutes of pointless wandering, Butters' voice came from behind him.

"Do you really think that the Bard is down here?" Kid shrugged before face palming when he realized that Butters probably couldn't see his reaction. There was a quiet sound from further in the basement, the noise making Kid stop. Butters crashed into him from behind.

"Ya see something?" Kid pressed a finger against his lips, gesturing for Butters to be quiet. The blond boy fell silent, listening.

"I think I hear him," the paladin whispered. Kid glanced around as the music got louder, eyes narrowing as his hand reached for the newest weapon on his belt, a long sword. Suddenly, the music became a loud, shuddering sound, making both boys cover their ears to block it out.

"Oh Jesus," Butters cried, "It's the Bard!"

The basement lights were flicked on, momentarily blinding both kids. When both became used to it, Kid glanced around. There were boxes and all kinds of items around them that were hidden in the shadows when the lights were off. A boy with brown hair and matching eyes stood before them. He wore a newspaper hat with a white feather on its side, a dark, lime green scarf around his neck, a yellow jacket, a green cape, blue tights, and a pair of brown shoes. He was leaning on a pair of crutches, a small guitar being held in his arms. Kid assumed that he was disabled.

"P-Prepare for battle, w-w-weaklings!" the Bard stuttered. "Elves, fall in!"

Suddenly, several elves jumped out from behind the objects in the room, weapons out. The door that led upstairs had been opened when several more elves came in. Behind them, Kid saw that Cartman and Kenny were being manhandled.

"Douchebag! It's a trap!" The door was slammed shut and locked as the two were taken away. Kid gritted his teeth. _'God damnit,' _he thought, turning to the Bard. Kid unsheathed his long sword, Butters following behind with his own hammer.

"You should have never come here h-h-humans," the Bard stuttered. "I am a level 10 bard, and with my lute, I shall power up my elven guards with magical songs of encha- With magical songs of encha-..." As the Bard struggled to continue his sentence, Kid frowned, raising an eyebrow when he turned to Butters. The paladin shrugged. In response, the thief sighed. It seemed like it was another thing that was normal in South Park.

"With magical songs of encha-chaaaa... M-Magical songs of enchame-me-me-me... Magical songs of enchantment." At this, Kid grinned. _'There ya go,'_ he thought. He has a feeling that he was going to like this guy.

As the Bard climbed on top of a nearby barrel, Kid and Butters raised their weapons, standing back-to-back as the elves surrounded them. As the elves began to attack, the two humans blocking and dodging their blows, the Bard strummed his guitar and began to sing.

"_There once was a maiden from Stonebury Hollow~. She didn't talk much, but boy did she swallow_." Kid snorted in amusement, returning his attention to his opponents.

The elves seemed to get stronger, their attacks becoming even quicker then before. Kid propelled himself forwards, right into the opponent that was in front of him, tackling him to the floor. The thief then rolled off, blocking an attack from behind him. He swung his long sword and knocked the elf off his feet, the other boy falling down with an 'oof'.

"_I had a nice lance that she sat upon~_," the Bard then continued, "_The maiden from Stonebury who was also your mom_." At this, Kid found himself snickering. As offensive as it was since the Bard was singing about _his mom_(which Kid knew that he would be kicking the Bard's ass for later), he still found it extremely funny. With that thought, Kid did a backroll out of the way of another elf's attacks. He ended up rolling past Butters, before kicking out with his back foot at the paladin's own enemy while the blond boy blocked the attack of his own.

The two blocks threw their opponents off guard, giving both Kid and Butters time to knock out two more of their enemies. With a grin, Kid dodged an attack from another enemy. He struck out with his long sword, stabbing the boy in front of him in the stomach. The boy cried out, falling onto the ground. Kid then knocked him out when he swung and smacked the boy as hard as he could in the head.

Butters blocked a blow to his own head, squeaking before he pushed back. With his hammer, the paladin then raised his hammer to the sky. A bolt of lightning broke through the ceiling and hit Butters' hammer.

"Feel my righteous fury!" The lightning was then redirected towards their enemies, the elves dropping like flies. Kid glanced around before smirking when he realized that their opponents had all been defeated.

"Yay! We won!" Butters cheered, pumping his hammer into the air. The Bard hopped off of his barrel and quickly shuffled to the stairs.

"Wow, w-w-what a butt-kicking...," he was muttering. Climbing the stairs, the door opened at the top and several more elves came in. The Bard pointed down to the two humans.

"Get down there and f-f-finish them off!" he ordered, "I will protect the S-Stick of Truth!" With that said, he ran through the now open door, locking it behind him. The elves ran down the steps just as Kid noticed that someone was knocking on the window.

"Hey Douchebag! Over here!"

Both Kid and Butters looked up to the window. Craig was tapping on the glass. Kid glanced around to see if there was anything he could use to open the window from where he was. Spotting a tennis ball in one of the nearby boxes, Kid took it and after aiming, threw the small ball at the window's lock. The lock broke and Craig pushed the window open.

"I'll handle this," he said, carefully climbing along the shelf over to the electrical box. Until now, Kid never noticed that the floor right in front of the staircase was covered in water, electricity shocking through it. Once they had reached the bottom of the stairs, the elves had jumped over the water to avoid being shocked.

Behind him, Kid noticed that Amelia had climbed in through the window as well, carefully jumping onto the basement floor from above the shelf.

"Time to kick their asses!" As Amelia took on the elves, Craig opened up the electrical box and began playing with the wires in order to turn it off. With a soft cry of 'aha!', Craig managed to turn off the box. Suddenly, with a sound of shock, Craig fell from the shelf and onto the ground, the box shocking him.

"O-Ow," he winced, "My ankle. I-I think it might be broken."

"Maybe I should take a look at it," Butters said, hurrying over past Amelia and her opponents. Kid decided that as the paladin did that, he would give Amelia a hand. An elf flew right past him so fast that if he hadn't ducked, the boy would have slammed into him. The elf hit the wall, groaning as he fell into unconsciousness.

Looks like Amelia didn't need any help.

The captain hat-wearing girl wiped her dirty hands on the sides of her dress as she walked over.

"Too fucking easy," she said, grinning as she flipped her hair out of her eyes. The two joined Butters and Craig, the latter of which was getting to his feet.

"Thank you, noble paladin," the thief said, "My wound is healed."

"Can you get us upstairs?" Butters asked, pointing to the door, "I think they locked us out." Craig turned and climbed up the stairs, the other three following.

"Nothing a level 12 thief can't take care of." With that said, the chullo-wearing boy picked the lock and opened the door. "You go on ahead," Amelia then said, "We'll start looting the elves down here." She jerked her thumb at the unconscious elves in the basement. Craig snorted before following her. Kid grinned before following Butters out through the basement door,

Suddenly, the cries of the Grand Wizard could be heard from the kitchen. Kid sighed. _'Why am _I _always the one who has to deal with this stuff?' _The two hurried into the kitchen.

* * *

"Where's the king?" Token asked. Amelia pointed towards the kitchen while Craig was busy looting the bodies of the defeated elves.

"He's over there! He's hurt real bad."

"Good thing my medical skills are plus four," Token muttered to himself, the boy running into the kitchen. Dylan and Tweek were busy shifting through the things that were in the room's drawers, not even noticing anything around them. Craig glanced up from what he was doing, sticking the things he took from the elf's body into his pockets.

"We'll revive the Wizard," he said to Kid and Butters, "You head on upstairs. We'll catch up soon enough." Kid nodded before jerking his head towards the stairs. Butters followed him as he led the way up to the second floor.

As they arrived on the second floor, Kid could hear the muffled cries for help coming from the farthest room on the right. "They're raping the Princess right now!" Butters exclaimed. The two rushed over to the door, Kid turning the knob and slamming it open. There was an elf jumping up and down on the bed in the room, Kenny sitting beside him all tied up. Kid's expression became stony.

_'No rape? Fine then...,'_ Butters' finger pointed to the scene on the bed.

"He's keeping her prisoner!" Kid sighed. He ended up walking towards the bed, seeing no need to rush. Jumping, Kid realized that he couldn't get onto the bed. The thief scowled. _'God damnit, why do I have to be so short?'_

Kid began shifting through the drawer beside the bed. Then, something caught his attention. Kid looked over to the shelves in the far corner of the room. He got an idea, smirking. Reaching his hand into the drawer, he pulled out one of its contents. With a well-aimed throw, Kid managed to his the purple bowling ball on the top shelf. The ball fell down, hitting several other items on the shelf.

Kid ran over to the broken table, which had broke when the bowling ball landed on it, and used his long sword to break the leg of the table and began to climb.

"Good thing Jimmy's parents are out of town," Butters said as he followed. Kid stopped and turned to stared at Butters in surprise. Butters nodded.

"Yeah, this is Jimmy's house," the blond boy said, "He's the Bard." Kid thought about it before shrugging. So the Bard's name was Jimmy? Alright then, he could deal with that. He continued to climb the makeshift staircase to the top of the shelf. He then jumped from the top of the shelf and onto the bed. His weight made it break, knocking the elf off and onto the floor. Kid then untied Kenny from her binds.

"Let's get back to Eric," Butters said. The trio then left the room.

* * *

_'I swear, if I get the chance to betray Cartman, I would be sooo happy...,'_ Kid thought angrily to himself as he blocked Jimmy's attack.

After they had left the room Kenny was captured in, they met up with Cartman, Dylan, Token, Craig, and Tweek. Then, upon realizing that since Jimmy was locked up in his room, Cartman sent him and Kenny to find another way in. Then, once they had done that, Cartman told Kid to fight Jimmy. Thus, explaining how he got into this situation.

Kid was _not _amused.

Beside him, Dylan knocked the tiny rats away and out the open window with a smack of his sword. Kid rushed Jimmy, stabbing forwards several times before blocking one of Jimmy's own attacks. Kid winced as the Bard whacked him in the head with his crutch. The thief fell to the floor, groaning. Jimmy raised his crutch and slammed it down, Kid rolling out of the way.

"This is taking a while," Dylan noted as Kid stood back up beside him. "I think I know _just _the thing to finish him off." The thief raised an eyebrow. Dylan smirked. Then, bringing his fingers to his lips, the knight whistled.

Suddenly, the sound of thudding could be heard coming up the stairs. Everyone turned to the door of the room as a beautiful grey horse burst in and ran towards Dylan. The knight jumped upon the steed's back just as it stopped beside him. As the horse reared, Dylan held up his knight helmet in reminiscence of a cowboy.

"Yee haw!" Lowering his sword, the knight urged his horse forwards. Jimmy managed to dodge the jousting knight and his trusty steed, but only managed to get himself knocked out by Kid's sneak attack. Dylan jumped off the horse's back just as it crashed through the window, breaking it along with most of the wall. It was silent within the Bard's room before a loud cheer erupted from the group of humans.

"The Stick is ours!" Cartman cheered along with them, holding the Stick of Truth high above his head victoriously. "Now humans of the KKK! Return to the castle!"

Kid shook his head, following behind the estatic Dylan as the knight skipped ahead beside Kenny.

* * *

The Stick was placed back in its proper place, the pillow within the Kingdom.

"The Stick of Truth is back where it belongs!" Cartman then turned to the rest of the humans after they left the inside of the tent. "Great job, men and lady!" The group of kids gave a loud cheer, raising their weapons into the air. Cartman then turned to Kid.

"Sir Douchebag, for your heroic deeds and valiant self-sacrifice at the great Battle of the Giggling Donkey, I hereby make you an official member of the Kingdom of Kupa Keep. Welcome to the KKK!" Kid felt a small smile come onto his face as the others cheered. It was certainly nice to feel accepted, even though the leader was a really big dick.

"It's getting late," Ms. Cartman called from the backdoor of her house. "The Grand Wizard needs to go night-night." At this, Kid as well as the other humans snickered quietly to themselves as Cartman rolled his eyes.

"Okay mom," Cartman replied, "Thanks for pointing out bedtime for everyone."

"It's a school night hon," Ms. Cartman insisted, "You and your little Druid friends need to-"

"We're not Druids, mom!" Cartman shouted, turning on his mother. The others flinched in slight surprise at the outburst. "We're fucking warriors and wizards!" Ms. Cartman frowned, making her way over to the group and grabbing onto her son's arm.

"That's it. You're going to bed." She then turned to the other children. "The rest of you better get back home too." With that said, everyone glanced awkwardly at each other before quickly leaving Cartman's backyard and heading back home.

* * *

Kid stretched before pulling up his bed sheets and climbing into bed. Just as he got settled, his mother opened the door with a smile on her face. She made her way over and sat on the side of the bed, kissing him on the forehead.

"Good night, dear," she said, "I hope you're as happy as we are. Everything's gonna be better now that we're in this quiet little mountain town." Kid smiled at his mom as she left, closing the door behind her after turning off the lights. Kid then closed his eyes, falling asleep.

* * *

_**I'll have to apologize if I missed any mistakes; I was rather tired when I wrote this chapter. :P**_


	9. Alien Abduction

_**So, I've made a poll about which side Kid should join; the humans or the elves. It should be up on my profile page. Please vote 'cause your choice ends up determining how the chapter will play out! The choice won't effect the story just yet, but I just want to give readers enough time to pick. Please note, I will be closing the poll once I've posted chapter 12. **_

_**One other thing: this chapter will be a bit graphic, especially the first scene below. You have been warned. **_

* * *

A bright blue light shone through Kid's window, nearly blinding him. The boy groaned, raising a hand in a weak attempt to block the offending light. The blue slowly dimmed until the point where it began to shine brightly from underneath his bedroom door.

_'What the hell is going on?' _Kid thought to himself as he turned to stare at the glowing door. Suddenly, it slowly opened revealing three smooth grey heads with a pair of beady black eyes each. Kid frowned, pulling the covers of his blanket over his head. _'God damnit,' _he couldn't help but think, _'Aliens? The hell is this?' _

His blanket was ripped off from above him before the thief fell to his floor with a thud as one of the aliens pulled him off the bed. His head smacked against the floor, his vision becoming blurred. He couldn't see clearly but he could have sworn his heard Mackey as well as Clyde(or someone that sounded like Clyde) and several others. He couldn't tell what they were saying though as he was being dragged past them.

The aliens threw him up onto a table, the boy wincing as he blinked under the bright light above him. Kid was soon turned over onto his stomach and his pajama pants and boxers were pulled down to be just around his knees as he kneeled on the table. Suddenly, something was painfully thrust into his butt, making the boy flinch in surprise. _'What the hell? You have to be fucking kidding me!' _

Instinctively, Kid's butt cheeks squeezed around the thick probe, trying desperately to push it out. Then, with much effort, Kid found himself using Dragonshout. It's not like he had much of a choice anyway.

The explosion that erupted behind him made him smirk as the aliens that he could vaguely see freaked out. However, the feeling of an even larger probe being pushed into his buttcrack made him tense and use Dragonshout again. The aliens once more freaked out and quickly rushed out of the room. Kid winced as the probe somehow crawled further into his butt. It hurt even more when something wormed its way out. The boy glanced over his shoulder and could see an antenna before it disappeared once more into his butt.

_'What. The. Actual. Fuck.' _He thought, grimacing in disbelief._ 'I think I might have to get surgery to get rid of this... That's gonna be _really _awkward.' _

"Is this your first time getting probed?" Kid turned to his left to look at the man beside him in slight surprise. The man shrugged.

"Yeah, it's a pain," he continued, "But this is the kind of stuff that you have to put up with living in a remote little mountain town. At least we don't have to deal with traffic." _'Well, I guess that's a bit of a plus,'_ Kid thought, shrugging as he slowly got off the table, pulling up his pants. The man's face lit up.

"Hey, you broke free!" he exclaimed, grinning, "You have pretty incredible control of your asshole!" Kid just decided to ignore that little remark, glancing around the room. He was about to head towards the door but was stopped by an invisible forcefield. He frowned. Suddenly, the sight of a strange machine on the wall caught his attention. Kid moved over to the side of his little "cell" in order to get a closer look. His frown deepened when he saw that it looked like the little satellite dish that had made its home inside his butt.

Kid was _not _amused.

The boy sighed, pulling down his pants and willing the antenna to come out. The thing did, opening up and linking to the teleporter device. Suddenly, he found himself out of his cell, falling onto the floor. The antenna found itself back into his butt. The man seemed to perk up as Kid pulled his pants up once more.

"Wow, look at that! You must have broken off part of the probe and now can control it with your sphincter muscles. Pretty cool." Kid's face became blank as he shook his head, sighing. Looking around, Kid quickly went over to where the man was. Stopping just in front of him, Kid reached forward and his hand hit another forcefield.

"I'm surrounded by some kind of forcefield," the man mused, "Go find a way to shut it off. When you break me free, I can show you how to get off the ship!" At this, Kid perked up, grinning. The man smiled in return.

"By the way," the man said, "My name is Randy Marsh. Nice you meet you!" Kid nodded, before turning towards the door. He walked over to it before turning around and waved and then left the room.

* * *

Kid sighed wearily, opening the door that led to where Randy was. It had taken him a rather long time and now he was extremely tired. What do you expect? He was a nine year old boy, still growing, and he had been up for several hours now trying to figure out ways to get Randy out from his binds.

"Great, you're here!" Randy said as Kid came into the room. "Use this panel here and then we can all go home!" Kid gave the panel a suspicious glare, another panel similar to it having given him a nearly _impossible _code before trolling him with something incredibly simple coming to mind. He sighed before inputting the correct code. Randy slid off his table before walking out of the cell.

"You did it! Thanks kid," he said, "I don't know who you are or if you're real or not, but consider me... your friend." Randy held out a hand and Kid took it, the two shaking. Upon letting go, Randy made his way to the door, waving before leaving. Kid took once last glance around the room to see if he had missed anything. He spotted a strange crystal, which he picked up before leaving.

He glanced around, shuddering upon seeing a hole in the floor before passing it and making his way to the elevator. He sincerely hoped that that Nazi zombie down there didn't come up. If it did, he didn't want to be there for it to see him. Kid placed the crystal into the elevator and then sighed before using his alien butt probe (as he decided to call it) to activate it.

He glanced at his watch as the elevator moved upwards towards the bridge. Three o'clock in the morning. Groaning, he closed his eyes, rubbing his forehead. He was gonna be _really _tired tomorrow. Or today. Or whatever it was called. The elevator came to a stop, along with the bad elevator music, and Kid stepped out. He glanced around and after grabbing a Chinpokomon that had been hidden at the top of a few high tech computer screens (which he climbed to get to, though he didn't really care since it was a _Chinpokomon_), he entered the farthest room near the front of the ship. Kid had a slight suspicion about it.

And he was right. The room appeared to be the navigation room, with two aliens acting as the pilots. Kid sighed after the two noticed him, pulling out their laser guns. Kid pulled out the gigantic sword he found (which was actually a dildo, though he didn't know that at the time), frowning.

Time to get started.

* * *

"Ack!" Kid tripped and fell onto his butt before sliding across the floor, the two unconscious pilots as well as an alien flight attendant (which he decided to just not question, he's had to deal with a ton of shit for the past few hours after all) following right behind him. Sliding into the front window, Kid groaned. With a glance behind him, his eyes widened before he hopped out of the way as the aliens slammed through the glass and onto the pavement below.

The boy glanced out the window and could see the sight of the South Park mall coming closer and closer. He wisely decided to abandon ship, jumping out of the falling UFO and onto a nearby house roof with a groan.

An explosion sounded and Kid's head peaked up to see what had happened. He quickly ducked as a piece of the ship flew over his head. Several more pieces flew from the UFO and hit several of the houses in the town, embedding themselves in the streets and into people's yards. The boy groaned once more, sitting up slowly to see where the hell he was. From what he could see, Kid came to the conclusion that he was on the rhinoplasty building.

With a sigh, the thief went to find a way to get off the roof and back home before his parents found out that he was missing. Walking in the streets, he didn't notice a strange green goo making its way into the sewers.

* * *

An old man answered his ringing phone with a frown.

"Yes?" The frown deepened. "At what location?" The eyepatch wearing man swallowed, thinking to himself before answering once more.

"How many people in the town?" He asked. Silence. Another man in a black suit an tie came into the room, waiting patiently behind him.

"Get in there and cover it up," the man finally said, "This could change everything." He put the phone back onto the receiver, sighing. The old man then turned to the agent.

"Get everyone moving," he ordered, "We've got another UFO crash." The agent nodded before leaving to get in contact with their officers. The old man sighed, running a hand through his remaining hair. Looks like they had another job on their hands.

* * *

_**Well, there you guys go. Short chapter since I just wanted to keep this as a short as possible 'cause there will be some rather long chapters coming sooner or later. A calm before the storm for me. **_

_**Other then that, please vote on the poll and let me know about that. Once again, it's on my profile page. You can't miss it! Bye!**_


	10. Gain New Allies pt 1

_**Come on guys! Hurry up with them votes! Currently, the odds are tied with 50% for Cartman and 50% for Kyle. Please, I need a bit of a breakthrough here. If that doesn't happen, I'll have to see which side voted last and pick the other. It's something I wouldn't do unless something happens. **_

_**But anyways...**_

* * *

Kid wearily opened his eyes, raising a hand and rubbing the sleep away. Turning his head slowly away from the light that shone through his open window (Which he had climbed through the night before, but forgot to close), the boy glanced at the clock. His eyes widened and he hurried to get out of bed.

_'Crap, crap, crap,' _he thought, throwing on a random shirt as he hurried down the stairs, _'I'm gonna be late! And on my first day too...' _Rushing, he ran into the kitchen to hopefully grab something to eat on the way.

Both of his parents looked up from what they were doing as Kid ran into the room and straight to the fridge. His mother smiled serenely at him.

"Hey there honey," she said, "School's cancelled today because of the earthquake last night." Kid blinked, frowning.

"It's really strange," his dad replied, turning the page of his newspaper, "I didn't even know we were close to one of those tectonic plate boundaries." Beth pushed over a plate of bacon and sausages across the counter to her son before returning to drying the dishes.

"Go watch the news and see for yourself sweetie," she said. Kid stood up on his tip toes and took the plate off the counter, nodding. He then left the kitchen and made himself at home on the couch and was about to start eating when there was a furious banging on the door. Kid sighed, putting the plate down onto the couch and made his way to the front door. Upon turning the knob, the door flung open, banging the wall beside it, Kid barely jumping out of the way.

"My God!" Cartman exclaimed, rushing into the room. Kid raised an eyebrow at the tired looking Dylan, who simply shrugged. The thief turned back to Cartman.

"They came outta nowhere!" Cartman continued, arms waving frantically as he ran to the coffee table. "There was a huge earthquake and then- and then there was burning in my yard!" The wizard flipped around to look at him as Kid's parents came out of the kitchen.

"Didn't you hear about it?!" Cartman asked, grabbing the remote from off the table. "It's all over the news! Here, take a look!" After pressing the on button, the T.V. turned on and the news began to play.

"- and then a large earthquake and several fires in the South Pare area last night woke many residents from their sleep," the news anchor reported. "Here with a report is a midget in a bikini." The screen then changed to mentioned midget. The bikini he wore was pink and very skimpy, something that Kid tried to ignore as best as he could. Behind the midget was a large crowd of people around the damaged UFO which was now covered by several tiny tents.

_'Oh crap...,' _Kid thought to himself, frowning._ 'That's the UFO from last night... I thought it had exploded... This is _not _good. It couldn't possibly get worse though, could it?'_

"Tom, government workers here are assuring everyone that nothing out of the ordinary has happened," the midget was saying, "They claimed that the only reason that the huge tents have gone up to cover this area is to mark the construction of a new Taco Bell which will open sometime later this month." The camera then cut back to the news anchor.

"Thanks midget," the anchor said, "I do love me some Taco Bell. The mayor of South Park states that last night's tremors and fires are under control and that hopefully schools and businesses can open again soon." Cartman then turned the T.V. off, throwing the remote onto the sofa. He then flipped to face Kid.

"It's horrible," he moaned, "You don't understand! The elves... They took the Stick!" At this, Kid's eyes widened. _'Crap. It got worse.'_

"And it's bullshit," Cartman continued ranting, "Because we had specifically said no trying to take the Stick at night! Elves are dirty little liars and we have to lay waste to their entire base!" Cartman then sighed, falling quiet in order to calm down. He then looked back to Kid.

"You have some strange ability to make new friends quickly, Douchebag. I'm sending you on a quest to go out into the lands of Zaron and recruit a whole 'nother faction to Kupa Keep." Cartman reached into his back pocket and handed Kid a hand-made note. "Find the Goth kids and give them this letter," the Wizard continued, "Get them to join our kingdom and we shall lay waste to the Drow elves once and for all! Fucking cheaters..." Cartman began muttering to himself, grabbing the plate of Kid's breakfast from off the couch and then leaving through the still open front door.

Kid blinked at the note in his hand. He looked to the couch where his breakfast had been. Then back at the note. Then back at the couch. Kid's eyes narrowed.

_'I can tolerate him calling me "douchebag", I can handle doing all of his chores...,' _Kid thought, frowning,_ 'But no one take my breakfast. __**No one**__.' _As the boy silently seethed, Dylan patted him on the shoulder, sighing.

* * *

As Kid opened the small rusty gate that led to the back of the school, a soft, yet powerful voice came, its words rushing into his ears. He then stopped and began to listen.

"- is only fear and blind denial. Even when face with old "truths", the human mind shuts itself off and the person desperately attempts to find any mundane explanation possible to return to "sanity". Sanity," the voice let out a sigh, "A creature wholly wrought of comparison and worthless society. But for those that seek out the dark, you will see horrors which will shatter you mind. Your puny human mind." The boy quietly came closer as the reader read out of his black journal, pacing before the silent audience before him.

"You will see," he continued, turning the page, "and you will understand your place. You will experience feelings so powerful and varied that you will be unable to assign words to describe the experience." Then, the boy gave an extremely chilling smile, so much so that it made Kid shudder.

"And then, it will all end." With a snap of his book, the boy's scary smile disappeared to only be replaced by a blank expression.

"Well?" He asked his silent observers.

"Not bad," the only female of the group said, "I could feel the darkness ebbing out as you spoke."

"The smile was a nice touch," one of the others, the tallest of the group said.

"Yeah," the youngest agreed, nodding. The final goth kid, a boy with long bangs and a red streak in his hair flipped his bangs out of the way as he spoke.

"You'll pass for sure." At this, the one who had read the small act gave what appeared to be a brief smirk before it vanished and was replaced with the blank face. He then proceeded to flop down onto the maroon rug beside the youngest and the girl, pulling out a lighter and cigarette. Now that the act was over, Kid took a better look at him.

The boy appeared to be a year older than him. He wore a black hoodie, the hood down as well as a pair of black pants. A cross hung out from his pocket as well as from around his neck. His hair was also black and he also wore the same dark makeup that the others were wearing. All in all, he fit right in with the dark and depressing group. However, Kid could have sworn that his eyes were familiar.

The thief was jerked out of his thoughts when the red goth turned to look at him. The other boy frowned, appearing confused.

"Who's that?" he asked. The other goths glanced up to look at him.

"I think it's that new kid that people are talking about," the girl replied after a moment, slowly taking another drag from her cigarette. She then put it out, squeezing the butt of it and then throwing it away before pulling out another.

"Beat it, new kid," the tallest sighed, "This area is strictly for goth kids." Kid frowned, pulling out the note that Cartman gave him. He handed it to the red haired goth. The boy took it, glanced it over before handing it to the girl, who then took a look at it, the youngest and the hoodie goths both reading over her shoulder. She then passed it to the tallest, who Kid assumed was the unofficial leader. The head goth raised an eyebrow.

"What's this? 'Join the Kingdom of Kupa Keep to battle the wicked elves. All recruits welcome'." The boy rolled his eyes, crumpling the paper into a ball and then throwing it away. "Sorry Frodo," he drawled, "We don't play Dungeons and Douchebags."

"Yeah," the red haired goth agreed, "Beat it new kid."

"Aw come on," the youngest then protested, "Let's do it! We never do anything!" The hoodie goth snorted.

"No. Way," he said, "I am _not _getting involved in whatever my sister is doing."

_'Sister?'_ Kid couldn't help but think, confused.

"He's a conformist," the tallest added, not paying attention to Kid's slightly confused state, "Look at his clothes and his hair... Well, actually, his hair is fine. Anyways, the answer is still no." The red haired goth then turned to look at Kid.

"Yeah, tell you what, new kid," he said, flipping his bangs out of his eyes once more, "Get the right clothes and some cigarettes and coffee and talk to us again."

"Yeah," the leader agreed, "if you wanna prove that you aren't a conformist, then you need to look exactly like we do. Then _maybe_ we'll consider hanging out with you." With that said, the goth kids began to ignore him. Kid frowned before shrugging and turned around to leave.

_'So basically,'_ he thought to himself as he pushed open the gate, _'I have to conform with them so that they could accept me as a nonconformist?' _He then mentally shrugged. _'I've seen weirder things.' _He walked over to Dylan, who gave him a cheerful grin and the two began to walk.

A head peaked out from behind a bush, elf ears quite noticeable as the boy watched the two pass by. The head then disappeared back into the leaves as he and several of his colleagues began following them.


	11. Gain New Allies pt 2

_**The humans are currently in the lead in the poll. Now, I have to point out, I won't be counting reviews. This is my personal opinion cause having a poll with votes is easier than counting reviews. This is why I started a poll in the first place. **_

_**Secondly, I have to ask, what is so cool about the humans? Please enlighten me because all I've been getting are "please do humans" in the reviews. I mean, what about the rest of the story? What did you think about the chapter? I have not been getting any constructive criticism ever since I started the poll and I have to say, it's pissing me off. Can at least one person please give their opinion of the chapter they're reviewing on this way I can improve on it if I need to? Is that too much to ask?**_

_**One more thing, if you reviewed and voted, I'm perfectly fine with you. In fact, I encourage people to tell me why they voted for a paticular faction. Shout out to Aloasa for telling me that the reason she (I assume you're a she. I'm really sorry if I'm wrong.) chose Cartman is because Dylan and Kid's relationship might be thrown under the bus, so to speak. Darling, you don't have to worry about anything. I'll be covering that in this chapter. **_

_**Anyways, speaking of chapters...**_

* * *

Kid pulled out his change, counting the bills before giving the hobo the correct amount. The poor guy put his purchases into a ratty old plastic bag that had so many holes in the bottom, Kid was slightly afraid that it might break. He then took the bag, very carefully mind you, and gave the man a nod before turning and following Dylan.

"Well," the knight said, stretching as they walked past several towns people getting chased by Nazi zombies, "What's left to get?" Kid thought for a second before answering.

"We got the clothes and the cigarettes," he replied slowly. "I think that all that's left is the coffee." Dylan grinned, rubbing his hands together.

"I'm getting a bit hungry," he said, "And Tweek's Coffee has a few snacks at their place that we can buy, if you want." Kid shook his head, raising a hand. "Maybe later." Dylan shrugged in response and the two walked to the coffee shop, unaware of the people behind them having been bitten and turned into Nazi zombies. Hey, you can't really blame them though. It's not really their business. Not yet anyways.

* * *

"Hey, New Kid!" Kid took a step back in surprise, bumping right into Dylan as he came out of Tweek's Coffee right behind him. Five elves came and surrounded the duo. Kid's hand immediately went to the alien probe that he had found the night before, but he stayed still. It seemed like one of the elves wanted to say something. Behind him, Dylan frowned.

"New kid," the elf said again, "The elf king has requested your presence. You can either come quietly or you can fight. But I warn you, fighting this fight at this point in the game is a complete waste of time and you should just skip it and come with us." A hand was placed on the elf's shoulder and a female elf stepped forwards.

She had shoulder length white blonde hair and was wearing an extremely long blue dress that ended just above her ankles. In addition, she also wore a black cape as well as a strange ribbon of the same colour that was tied into a huge bow on her head. Kid could faintly make out the prosthetic elf ears that most of the elves he had seen wearing as well.

"Knight Dylan," she began. Her blue eyes were clear and Kid noticed how she sounded very dream-like when she spoke. Dylan raised an eyebrow in response but said nothing, waiting for the girl to continue.

"King Kyle has requested the new kid's presence under the Code of Summon Royale." At this, Dylan stiffened, lips thinning out. The girl continued. "He wishes to do this as quickly as possible, and _without _violence, if it can be avoided." Kid frowned, turning to look up at Dylan. The knight was definitely in deep thought. Then the other boy sighed and looked down to Kid. He was the taller of the two, but not by much.

"The Code of Summon Royale is a term that Cartman and Kyle put into place before the game started," the knight explained, "It means that if one of the kings wishes to speak with a specific person or persons, then they must go. It's usually of a matter of high importance and must be taken care of immediately." At this Kid blanched.

"Why didn't you mention this earlier?" he asked. The elves all raised eyebrows at the thief, most likely asking themselves "he can talk?", with the exception of the girl who remained quiet and was watching them with unwavering eyes. Dylan seemed surprised.

"Cartman was supposed to tell you," the knight said. The duo fell silent. Dylan gave an exasperated sighed, bringing a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "That dick," he muttered, dropping his hand. Kid gritted his teeth, hand balling into a fist.

_'I swear to God,'_ he thought to himself, _'If Cartman were to pull that kind of dick move one more time...' _A hand placed on his shoulder brought him out of his thoughts. He looked back up at Dylan.

"You better go with them," he said. Kid drew back in slight surprise. "It's kind of mandatory now that the elven king invoked the Code," Dylan added, gesturing awkwardly. "I can't really do anything about it since I'm of a lower class than he is and because he asked specifically for you." Kid frowned. He raised an eyebrow in a questioning kind of way and Dylan chuckled.

"I'm gonna head home and grab some lunch," he explained, "I'm really starting to get hungry." Kid sighed, shaking his head, tiny smile on his face before turning to the elf girl. She gave a serene smile and held out a hand.

Kid took it.

* * *

Kid glanced around, curious and suspicious at the large number of elves that were gathered in the backyard. He had to admit, he thought it was rather nice with all of its green leaves. Now that he thought about it, he rather liked elves. They were his favorite type of myths and he loved to read about them when he was younger.

The elves in the backyard, however, seemed almost openly hostile and were glaring at him as he passed them. The thief followed quietly behind the girl, who had introduced herself as Sabrina Amberfield, as she led him through the crowd towards a throne on the far deck. Upon it was a boy wearing a greenish lime ushanka with a crown made out of tree branches on top. He wore long red robes with yellow designs. A golf club was placed innocently beside him, but was still in reach.

On his right, Kid saw another boy wearing a blue helmet with a red feather on top. He wore a greyish cape and held onto a rather large sword. Upon stopping right in front of the throne, Sabrina climbed the stairs, curtsying to her king before taking the empty spot to the king's left side.

"So," the elf king began, "you're the new kid that everyone is talking about. What's your name?"

"He doesn't really talk, elf king," one of the elves that arrived with their group said. "He probably thinks he's 'hot shit' or something." At this response, when Kid turned to stare at the elf in complete and utter confusion, Kyle and his most trusted warrior, Stan, shared a look. Kyle then glanced at Sabrina, the Lady of the Leaves, who simply replied with a reassuring smile. The elven king then stood from his throne and climbed down the small set of stairs until he was standing in front of the new kid.

"You're playing for the wrong side, dude!" Kid blinked in slight confusion. Kyle folded his arms behind his back and walked right past him. Kid turned to watch as the Jew elf continued.

"What did Wizard fat ass tell you?" Kyle asked. "That we broke the rules and took the Stick last night? He's lying!" At this, Kid's eyes narrowed. _'I knew it,'_ he thought to himself, gritting his teeth. The warrior that stood beside Kyle's throne then spoke and Kid turned his attention to him.

"Cartman's the one you should be fighting against," Stan said. "He's hiding the Stick - which is cheating - and acting all betrayed and sad to get _you _to recruit more people for him." Kyle then spoke again. Kid turned to watch as the elven king made his way back to his throne.

"We tracked a Twitter raven who says that you are currently trying to recruit the goths for the Wizard," he said, "Go recruit them, but bring them to us. Then we can ransack Cartman's stupid kingdom and take back the Stick once and for all." Kyle stopped and turned to face him once more.

"I'm trusting you to do what's right," he said, "And kid... If you betray us, we'll tell _everyone _that you're a butthole." Kid frowned, but decided not to comment. Kyle then nodded and turned back, climbing the stairs and sitting back onto his throne.

"I'm sending our best ranger to help guide you," the elf king said, gesturing to the boy at his right side, "The Bard," he pointed to Jimmy in the crowd, "as well as our Lady," Sabrina curtsied in response, "will also be at your disposal now." Kid took a look at all three of his new companions, before giving a slight nod to himself before giving a slight bow to the elf on his throne. Upon seeing this, each boy gave a tiny smile to themselves before going about their duties.

Kid pulled up the sleeve of his sweater to glance at his watch. 2:45 pm. He gave a rather large yawn, rubbing his eyes tiredly. He _knew _that the lack of sleep from the night before would come back to bite him in the ass later. Someone tapped him on the shoulder. Kid turned to look at them. It was the warrior. He gave a kind smile.

"My name is Stan," he said, holding out a hand. "I live in the dark green house right next door." Kid took the hand and gave a slight shake. Stan then jerked his thumb over his shoulder to the disabled boy behind him. "You know Jimmy, of course."

"N-No hard feelings, r-right?" Jimmy asked, also holding out a hand. Kid smirked, taking it and giving a shake. Kid was never really the type to hold much of a grudge (with the exception of Cartman of course). And besides, he actually rather liked Jimmy, what with the rather funny jokes and such.

"Finally," Stan then said, "You've also already met Sabrina." The girl had left Kyle's side and made her way over, giving a smile as if she was day dreaming.

"I have something that I need to talk to you about," she said to Kid, who blinked in confusion. 'What could she want to talk to me about?' he thought to himself. Finally, he gave a hesitant nod. Sabrina turned to both Jimmy and Stan. "We'll meet you two by the front door." The two both nodded and made their way to the backdoor and into the house. Sabrina took Kid and sat him down on the stairs of the tree house.

"You are part of the Guild." It wasn't a question. Kid raised an eyebrow before shaking his head. She gave another smile.

"Don't worry," she said, "I won't tell. It's part of our rules, after all." Kid frowned. _'Dylan did mention that they had a Guild member that was part of the elven kingdom,' _he thought to himself, _'The member was Sabrina?' _The girl still had the serene smile on her face, as if she knew what he was thinking.

"If you're worried about what side you should join," the Lady then said, "it doesn't really matter to any of us."

"What do you mean?" Kid clamped a hand over his mouth. Sabrina's smile never faltered.

"Since the Guild is neutral," she continued, "we don't really hold alliances to any other faction. I am only part of the elves because of Kyle and Stan. Just like Amelia is only part of the humans because of Craig and Dylan is only part of the humans because of Princess Kenny."

"So," Kid said slowly, "What you're saying is... Is that if say, Craig were to switch factions, then Amelia would join as well? And the same with you or with Dylan?" Sabrina didn't say anything, still smiling. She held out a hand and pulled him to his feet.

"We have to get going," she said, "Mr. Slave told me that he needed to get a package from the Post Office. Mr. Kim had a bit of trouble with some Mongolians as well. I was thinking that we could deal with those things after you recruit the goths."

"Wait." Sabrina turned and tilted her head in a questioning manner. Kid crossed his arms, glancing at the ground.

"Have you told anyone about what faction you're _really _part of?" Once more, Sabrina smiled.

"Both Kyle and Stan know," she replied, "Just like Craig knows with Amelia and Kenny knows with Dylan." The thief inwardly smirked, an inside joke coming to mind. "And how the Girls know about Maria and how Ike knows about Joey." Kid then raised an eyebrow in confusion, mind returning back to the what the Lady of the Leaves was saying.

"Who's Joey and Maria?"

Sabrina just smiled serenely and never answered his question.


	12. Gain New Allies pt 3

_**Well, like I've said, I have closed down the poll because I'm uploading the 12th chapter now. I also took it off my profile to make the statement that I'm no longer accepting votes. I thank those who reviewed by giving their opinions in the review box as well as all those who voted. Chapter 13 should be when the battle of the school takes place and you'll see who won in the poll. Unless you already know. Or unless you were one of the four people who voted and managed to win the poll for your side. For those who did that, I thank you. It makes my job easier in choosing who won. **_

_**I will also put down the final result in the Author's Note of the next chapter so that people can see how far off it got. **_

_**One more thing. I've taken the arguments in the reviews into account about which side to choose. I'd like to thank Moosemac, Aloasa, and Nightmaster00 for their helpful criticism as well as their reasons for taking their respective sides. Also, I'm really sorry for assuming that you were a girl, Aloasa. It's a bit of a habit unless the person specifically states that they are not female. Thank you for clarifying that for me.**_

* * *

Kid sighed tiredly, sticking his hands into the pockets of his jacket. Sabrina was leading the way, humming quietly to herself as she led the group of four away from Mr. Slave's house.

Upon leaving Kyle's backyard (Kid had then gave the house a strange look, remembering the shout from earlier), the Lady of the Leaves that immediately dragged Kid around town in an attempt to help some people. Stan and Jimmy had given her strange looks when she did this, but didn't really say anything, considering the fact that the things they were doing were actually benefiting society. Okay, not helping society, but they were helping people and screwing over others. It was fun, Kid found, to run around with the elves and wreck havoc to the rest of town.

Sabrina's quests included grabbing a strange, vibrating package from the Post office for a Mr. Slave (who then gave Kid some kind of whip to use to call him into combat, which the thief found really cool) as well as finding Jesus in the church (who gave him a rosary for the same purpose). All in all, they just got stuff done in town.

But it wasn't easy. Not at first, at least.

Kid and Jimmy worked well together just fine, but it was with Sabrina and Stan that he had a bit of a problem. It's not like he didn't like them, but it was more when they were actually fighting in combat. They had run into a troop of zombies, believe it or not.

With the fury of a bear protecting her cubs, Sabrina had pulled out a _switchblade _of all things and proceeded to cut and tear zombie heads off left and right. What Kid found a bit creepy was that she had done it all with that serene smile of hers still on and never wavering. He decided not to get on her bad side. Meanwhile, Kid and Stan had teamed up. However, they always got in the way of each other since the two had rather similar tactics when it came to enemies; rush them and scare them off with a flurry of attacks. So in the end, Jimmy had to basically save their asses from getting too beat up.

After a while though, they got used to it. But Kid found that it was difficult to communicate with the elves compared to how he and the humans communicated. He felt that it would become easier over time though, so he kept pressing at it.

However, with all the busy work that Sabrina had them doing, Kid had this strange feeling that they were being watched. He didn't exactly know what it was, but the feeling started getting worse as they continued on. Just as they cleared away another homeless group (a quest that Kid found _really _odd, considering that it came from the mayor of the the town), a strange light was shot at the group.

The four all jumped out of the way. Or well, in Kid's case, attempted to.

Kid is one of those people who are able to do awesome things. Most of the time.

When he does mess up, it's so fucking bad, that it can land him in the hospital (if physically) or into deep shit with his parents (academically). He usually messes up more when it comes to academics and not as much with sports or things like that. Anyways, Kid ended up tripping and face planting into the ground before the strange light beam hit him and threw him into a tree.

Things got really blurry after that but he could recall being picked up before letting blackness overtake him.

* * *

Kid blinked, groaning as he opened his eyes. A wet cloth was then placed on his forehead and he struggled to see who had done it.

It was a boy. He had short blond hair and wore a rather dressy grey shirt and blue jeans. Kid couldn't see it, but the boy wore a pair of white sneakers. The blond kid also had on a a blanket tied around his neck, acting as a sort of cape. However, Kid couldn't tell if the boy's most distinguishing feature was the strange curls that he had for sideburns or the necklace with a Jewish star. Since he saw the necklace, Kid assumed that the boy was Jewish.

"It's good to see that you're awake," the boy said, giving a tiny grin. Kid glanced around curiously. The boy stood and helped Kid to his feet. It was at this point that the thief noticed that the two were inside an underground cave and he had been lying down on the hard ground.

"My name is Joseph Adler," the blond said, gesturing to himself, "I'm really sorry for the rough treatment earlier." At Kid's confused look, Joseph then began to explain.

"I was the one who attacked your group. Of course, this wasn't without any reason but... I guess you could say that I owed Sabrina." Kid raised an eyebrow. Joseph then continued, leading the thief out of the cave and into the woods, leading him back to town.

"Sabrina was the one who told me to attack your group." He raised his hands upon seeing Kid's angry expression. "But she did it for a good reason, I can assure you. She couldn't exactly explain much about the Guild within the hearing range of any elves. Plus, the humans wouldn't be able to help you with this issue either." Kid frowned, crossing his arms.

"It concerns which side you will be forced to choose in the end," Joseph clarified. Kid blinked and then looked at Joseph curiously.

"Firstly, there are a few requirements in the Guild that one must meet," he began to explain, gesturing wildly, "For example, you must know which flame you have. I believe Dylan had classified you as a Cloud, yes?" At Kid's nod, the Jew continued.

"The second requirement is to have met with a few of the other Guild members and have them accept you into the group. From what I know, you have met Dylan, who had initiated you, and you have also met Amelia and Sabrina, both of which are aware of your status as an initiate and have accepted you. You have also met Sebastien, who is our overseer. He has no opinion of you as of right now. You have met myself; I am the Guild's resident look out and messenger. Finally, our leader has seen what you can do and he approves. You are now an official member of the Guild." Kid smiled, to which Joseph responded with one of his own before continuing.

"The third requirement is to have an extension." Joseph ducked under a fallen tree before continuing as Kid followed.

"This extension is a person that you have told that you are part of the Guild," he said, "You can talk to them about any Guild related material that you want. There is no limit to how many can be your extension; Sabrina told both Stan and Kyle. Another example, though not a really good one, would be Maria; she told every girl she knew. Basically, just about anyone can know as long as the extensions aren't the ones telling others your status." Kid bit his lip before asking a question that had been on his mind for a while.

"What about a person that already knows that someone else is part of the Guild?" he asked. "Is that allowed?" Joseph nodded, not even taken aback that Kid had spoken.

"Anything goes really," he replied, "Just so long as that person doesn't tell anyone else about your status either." Kid gave a nod to himself, smiling to himself mentally. He then returned his attention to Joseph, who had begun speaking once more.

"Now, onto choosing which side to support," the Jew was saying, "Dylan has told me that you don't really like Cartman, am I right?" Kid just frowned in response. Joseph took that as a yes to continue. "Truthfully, joining Kyle's side just so that you can beat up Cartman is all well and good, but you also have to take into account Kyle's own manipulations.

"Kyle's a good kid, believe me. But he has his moments. In most cases, whenever Cartman pisses him off, which is often, he would immediately retaliate and would be just as bad. In addition, Cartman was the one to let you into the game. He knows that he would benefit from you helping the humans and he would appreciate it, but the guy would never admit it." Joseph then gestured once more with his hands.

"On the other hand," he continued, "You don't really like Cartman. But you fight best with the humans since you've been with them longer. Kyle has blackmail on you that he will follow through with, but his elves offer truth and trust. The elf king is usually rather honest and will not lie unless necessary or if he's really angry. If anything, he'll just give it to you straight as opposed to Cartman who lies all the time and is also a dick and major manipulator."

Joseph shrugged. "All in all," he said, "it just boils down to personal opinion. Will you choose Cartman's humans, who you work best with, but their leader you hate? Or will you choose Kyle's Drow elves, who you haven't gotten used to yet, their leader has blackmail on you, but offers the thing that you are tempted to take?"

Kid frowned, crossing his arms as Joseph fell into silence. He began to think.

"Now that that is taken care of," Joseph then said, "I'll be helping you complete whatever quest that the goth kids throw at you next. It'll be difficult to avoid the elves and the humans, but maybe they'll ignore us once a bit of Jewish flair is brought into the mix..."

"How are you good at assessing situations and stuff?" Kid found himself asking. Joseph smiled.

"I'm a Rain," he explained. Kid nodded thoughtfully, before following the Jew back into town and to the quest at hand.

* * *

_'How exactly did I get into this mess again?' _Kid thought to himself, blocking the attack of another raging zombie. Or rather, he had just learned that the more correct term would be Nazi zombie. Apparently, the amount of times they have appeared is becoming more like a regular occurrence then anything.

Joseph rolled out of the way of a zombie's jaws, smacking it in the face with his Jewish staff. Immediately, the head was lobbed off. Both Kid and Joseph sweat dropped.

"W-Whoops?" The two were silent before shaking their heads and turning back to the remaining two. Now, let's back up for a second here.

Upon returning to the goths in his new attire, Kid was then told to prove himself that he was a non-conformist by going to the PTA meeting at the community centre and taking a picture of a sign that said 'Fuck the Conformists' right in the middle of the room. It would have been easier if Randy Marsh (he never thought that he would see _him _again for a while) hadn't assigned him with the mission of checking out the alien crash site that he had called Taco Bell. After learning a new ability, to which Kid found great amusement when Mr. Marsh had kicked the distracted Mr. Mackey, both the new kid and Joseph made their way to the alien crash site.

Then, after much sneakiness, the two managed to get inside. After the government officials left, Kid grabbed the tape recorder and the boys left the building. Only to be ambushed by Nazi zombies. Great.

Kid sighed, ducking and rolling between one of the zombies legs before using his new bat (which he picked up off one of the FBI agents) and hitting the thing in the crotch. It fell over, not in pain, but in surprise. Kid then took the chance given to him and literally beat the shit out of the zombie until all that was left of its head was mush. From what he knew about zombies, the mush wouldn't last long though, so both he and Joseph took that break to run back to the community centre.

* * *

Kid gave a tired sigh, finally returning to the goths. He handed his phone to the hoodie goth, who Joseph had said was Sebastien. The goth took it, eyes immediately going to the picture. The other goths all leaned over to see.

"Woah," the red goth said, "He did it."

"Nice," the female added, taking a drag from her cigarette.

"Yeah," the tallest goth then said, "But he's still not _goth_. He'll have to pass the final test." At this, Kid's eyes narrowed at the leader, silently telling him that if he was going to send him to do another quest, then he could go fuck himself. The tallest goth simply ignored the look.

"You may look goth, Frodo. But can you dance goth?" Kid blinked, taking the cigarette and coffee that Sebastien handed him. _'Here it goes...'_

After finishing both the coffee as well as the cigarette, the goth kids huddled together.

"What do you think?" the red goth asked.

"He's pretty goth," Sebastien replied. The leader nodded.

"He's pretty goth, right?" The female also agreed.

"That was pretty good."

"I felt his pain," the youngest said. Basically, the group knew that their youngest member had also agreed. The group then turned back to Kid.

"Alright new kid," Sebastien said, "You've officially proven yourself." Kid felt a smile come onto his face.

"Yeah," the leader agreed, "Just tell us where you'll need us, and we'll be there." Kid felt his phone buzz and he checked Facebook. The goths all had friended him. After taking a look at their names, he turned it off. Well, at least he had a way to address them now. Joseph then nodded towards the gate and the two left the goths to their misery. Once back at the front of the school, Joseph turned to Kid.

"Well?" he asked. "What side do you want to choose? You have your allies now."

Kid thought about it. He thought about his options. He thought about each little detail about both sides; about how Craig, Tweek, and Token would react; about how Butters would feel; about how the elves would be. Then, he made his decision.

He knew what he had to do and he rather liked his choice.


	13. Attack the School

_**And the winner is... the elves! *Sighs* **_

_**I'm honestly not really surprised. Despite the humans having the lead last Friday, the elves made an immaculate comeback. The final vote was 11 - 9, with the elves getting an extra four votes on Saturday, just before I posted the 12th chapter. The arguments in the reviews also brought up several good points on joining each side and truthfully, if I had decided to not let the readers vote, I would have used the reviews as a guide. **_

_**Anyways, let's get started. **_

* * *

Kid led Joseph back to Kyle's house, the two walking in silence. Just as they walked up to the house, Kid noticed his elf escorts waiting at the door. Sabrina looked up and her serene smile widened upon seeing them.

"Hello, new kid," she said. "I'm glad to see that you're okay." Jimmy and Stan glanced up, the two grinning.

"W-We were worried," Jimmy said. "H-He didn't hurt you t-to badly, did he?" Kid shook his head. Stan jerked his head to the front door.

"Kyle wants to see you," he said. Kid nodded, walking through the door. However, Stan stopped Joseph before he could follow. The ranger had a suspicious glare on his face as he stared at the Jew.

"Who are you?" Joseph raised his hands. Sabrina placed a hand onto the ranger's shoulder, reassuring smile on her face.

"This is Joseph Adler," she explained, "He's the Jewish nomad that our elves have been reporting about lately. But don't worry. He's perfectly safe." Stan frowned, lowering his sword slowly and allowing the Jew to pass, following right behind him. The five kids made their way through the house and out into the backyard. Kyle glanced up to the group as they stopped in front of him. He straightened before standing from his throne.

"A twitter raven has told me of your success in recruiting another faction," he said. "Simply call them here and your dedication to the Drow elves will be complete!" The king then lifted his golf club and gestured to the nearby tree. "Climb up into the tree house and summon your allies."

Kid looked up at the high tree, frowning. Then, he sighed before hurrying over to the wooden staircase and climbing to the top. He went through his contacts before settling on Sebastien's number (memorising that his last name was Roberts so he could look at the rest of his contacts later)and pressing the call button. It was after several moments when the goth picked up.

"What?"

"The Drow elves need you assistance," Kid said softly. Silence on the other end.

"... I thought you were helping the humans?" A sigh was heard. "Whatever. We'll be there soon enough." The goth then hung up and Kid climbed back down to ground level. The other elves began to cheer as he walked back to the elven king. Kyle gestured for him to come closer.

"New kid, I'm sorry I ever doubted you," the king said, "I hereby make you an official member of the Drow elves of the forest!" The other elves began to cheer once again. "New kid," Kyle continued, "You have our friendship! I hereby level you up to the rank of Commander!"

_'So, now I'm Commander Douchebag?'_ Kid thought to himself sarcastically. Mentally sighing, the thief bowed to his new king. The sound of running reached his ears as he stood back up. Stan came through the crowd of elves.

"My lord! My lord!" The elves moved out of the way to let the ranger through. Stan stopped right in front of Kyle, giving a hasty bow before continuing. "We know where the humans are hiding the Stick!" The Jewish king blinked.

"What?! Really?!" Stan jerkily nodded.

"We just intercepted their messages on Twitter!"

"You mean that you shot down their message raven," Joseph corrected, gaining everyone's attention.

"Right, right, we shot down their raven - and the evil Wizard King has hidden the Stick in his desk at school!" Stan reported. Kyle's eyes immediately narrowed.

"Of course," he muttered to himself, "Cartman hid it in his desk!" The elven king then turned to his people, raising his golf club. "Drow elves of the forest," he shouted, "We know where the humans are hiding the Stick! I knew Cartman was cheating... We shall march upon the school and make the hallways drip with their blood!"

"Huzzah!" The elves cheered, raising their weapons into the air.

Inwardly, Kid gave a grin akin to the devil's. Oh, how he was going to _enjoy _this.

* * *

Outside of South Park Elementary, Kyle's elves and the goth kids had gathered. Kyle turned to the combined army.

"Defenders of freedom!" he shouted. "We thank you for your courage in joining our fight! Tonight, we are no longer elves or goths. Tonight, we fight as one!"

"I feel like such a homo sapien right now...," the tallest goth, who Kid learned was named Michael, muttered to his fellows. The thief had noticed how the goths were dressed up rather similarly to Nordic vikings. Michael held a small axe as a cane, something that Kid found matched his costume. On the other hand, Sebastien held a metal baseball bat. The thief was then pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of a window opening on the upper floor of the school.

"The elves are here!" Scott shouted, turning his head to look back behind him into the room he was peaking out of. Another window opened, Dylan's head popping out to look at them before he pulled out a horn and blew. Kyle's head immediately snapped up. He then turned to Stan.

"They have blown their war horn! Blow ours, Stan!"

"Okay!" Stan pulled out their war horn and blew. Kid frowned at the high pitch note, but didn't question it. Kyle then raised his golf club, gesturing to the front door.

"Elves," he ordered, "Flank left! Goth kids!" He pointed to the back gate. "Prepare to attack from behind!" The army then split, elves attacking the front door and the goth kids rushing to the back. Joseph patted Kid's shoulder before rushing to the front door. The humans held it shut from inside and the elves pushed, trying extremely hard to get inside. Kyle then turned to Kid.

"The front's barricaded," he said, "Commander Douchebag, see if you and your buddies can get in through the side entrance and take out their defenses from behind!" Kid gave a sharp nod and with a jerk of his head, Stan, Sabrina, and Jimmy followed him through the gate.

A loud crack was heard and Kid ducked as a human flew over his head. He straightened up and blinked as he saw the goth kids sitting back down. Sebastien soon joined them, idly wiping blood off of his baseball bat. Pete looked up, tapping some flint off of his cigarette.

"We kicked all their asses and cleared the way for you," the red goth informed, "Have at it hobbit." Kid nodded before turning to the back door. The staircase was blocked by rubble (he didn't want to know how _that _happened). However, he noticed a ramp that was blocked by a metal gate that had a disabled sign on it. Immediately, he turned to Jimmy, gesturing to the door. The Bard bowed.

"Y-Your wish is my command, my lord." He walked over to the gate and opened it. "Open sesame!" The group opened the door and stepped into the kitchen.

"Well, I guess they'll have to keep the school closed until they can get this fixed," Sabrina mused as they stepped into the ransacked room. Graffiti was all over the walls and trash littered the floor. The announcement radio was turned on with a beep and Cartman's voice filtered through.

"Attention Elf King," he was saying, "The building has been fortified and the armies of Christ will never surrender. You will all die in this place." At this comment, Kid rolled his eyes as the group continued on.

"Wow, what a mess," Jimmy said, "Those humans went crazy apples in here." The entire school was completely trashed, much like what it was in the cafeteria. Several elves were further up ahead, each attempting to break through a barricade created by the humans.

"The walls are too strong!" An elf exclaimed, leaping back and out of the way of the hose as the humans sprayed water at them. "We've lost hundreds of men already!" The boy was then hit with the water, the blast knocking him back and onto his butt. Sabrina frowned, running over to him.

"Don't move, Jason," the Lady said. She then looked back up to the group. "Go on ahead," she ordered, "The elves need my assistance." Kid gave a nod and the group returned their attention to the wall. Stan spotted something on the far wall and he grinned, pulling out a frisbee. With a strong throw, the frisbee was flung and hit something on the wall.

"Shit!" One of the humans exclaimed. "We lost pressure on the hose!" Kid raised an eyebrow at Stan as he threw another frisbee, hitting an electric rod. The rod fell down and into a pile of water, shocking all the humans in the area. The thief blinked. _'Nice aim,' _he thought. He then glanced around. Noticing a vent in the wall, Kid knocked out the grate and led his buddies through the vent. The announcement speaker was activated once more.

"Douchebag!" Butters' voice called. "It's me, Paladin Butters! Your friend! Please don't be on Kyle's team! He may have cooler people on his side... a-and a better base... and sometimes they have piñata parties... I-I should probably stop talking..." The announcement speaker was turned off, Kid sighing.

_'Oh Butters...'_ He shook his head. The trio then approached the door to the lobby and Jimmy tried to open it. "Dang!" The Bard exclaimed. "I-It's blocked!"

"Let's try the basement," Stan said, opening the door to the lower level. Nodding, the boys then went through the door.

* * *

_'God damnit...,'_ Kid thought, frowning as he smacked another ginger Nazi zombie away from him. _'I'm really starting to hate Nazi zombies...' _

_'The ginger kids were so stupid,'_ he couldn't help but think. _'What kind of idiot drinks a glowing green goo where one is unsure where it came from?' _He shook his head, sighing as he ducked another attack.

* * *

The group arrived outside of the fourth grade classroom. Kyle pointed to the door.

"Fat ass is in there with the Stick!" he bellowed, "Commander Douchebag, lead us to victory!" With that order, Kid lifted his leg and kicked open the door, knocking it off its hinges. Inside was Cartman along with the other members that Kid met when he arrived at Kupa Keep (minus Clyde of course). The wizard turned around, grip tight on his staff.

"Back away from the desk, Wizard fat ass!" Kyle ordered. Cartman's eyes narrowed when they landed on Kid.

"You're a traitor, Douchebag! How could you?!" Kyle placed a hand on Kid's shoulder.

"Because he knows who the cool kids are!" The king then turned his head to look at him. "Go ahead and kick Cartman's ass, Douchebag."

"I brought you into the game," Cartman said, "I made friends with you before anyone else would..." _'Well, it was technically Butters who I met first...' _Kid thought, head turning back to Kyle as he spoke.

"He doesn't want to play with cheaters!" _'That's true.'_

"I understand that the elves have clouded your mind," Cartman sympathized. "Fight it, new kid. Come back to the light - attack Kyle!" Kid blinked.

"What are you waiting for, dude?" His head turned to the elf king.

"Punch him right in his smug little face," Cartman continued, slamming the bottom of his staff against the floor. Kid turned to look at Cartman.

"Get him new kid!" The thief turned back to look at Kyle.

With a sigh, Kid pinched the bridge of his nose as the elf king let his hand fall off of the thief's shoulder. Ignoring the comments of many of the others in the room, he thought about his options. _'At least this way, I get to attack Cartman twice...' _he thought. Then, he grinned, whipping out his new long sword and rushing Cartman.

* * *

"The evil Wizard has been defeated," Kyle stated, grinning. He turned to Kid. "Great job new kid!" The elf king then turned to the goth kids who had arrived sometime during the fight. Kid hadn't even noticed them as he was too busy kicking Cartman's ass. And enjoying it too.

"Goth kids," Kyle ordered, "Take the Stick from inside his desk!" As the group of five made their way over to the toppled over desks, Kyle raised his golf club. "Victory is ours!"

"Hey, wait a minute." Pete and the goth kids turned around to face them once more. He flipped his hair before continuing. "Our desks don't have insides."

Silence.

"What?" Kyle asked.

"Desks at this school just have table tops," Michael elaborated. Kid glanced at Kyle, who looked chestfallen and confused.

"But...," Kyle shakily said, "T-Twitter said that..."

"Look over here," Henrietta then said, pointing at another desk with her cigarette. "This desk has writing on it." Sebastien knelt down next to it to get a closer look.

"'Check my locker'." He read before looking back to the kids. Kyle's expression became even more confused.

"Who's desk is that?" he asked. Cartman lifted his head from off the ground, expression contemplative.

"T-That's _Clyde's_ desk."

Behind everyone as they all shared looks with each other, Kid smirked.

The group of kids all left the classroom in a rush to get to Clyde's locker. They paused before Stan found the right one, opening it. A laptop was sitting on the locker's shelf. Stan picked it up and brought it back over to the group. He opened it and it turned on automatically.

Clyde stood in a strange area and was holding the Stick. Kid noted his change of attire before the boy began to speak.

"Greetings, humans and elves of Zaron!" the boy said.

"Clyde!" Stan's said in recognition, eyebrows furrowing in concern.

"He took the Stick!" Cartman exclaimed. _'Yeah he did,' _Kid thought, rolling his eyes. _'Thanks for the observation, Captain Obvious.'_

"While you have been busy fighting amongst yourselves, I have built a kingdom beyond your comprehension! I prayed for a way to destroy you all and the solution came crashing down from the heavens!" The boy walked over to a barrel. Green liquid seeped down the sides.

"Oh no," Kyle moaned, "It's more of that green stuff!"

"With what I found," Clyde continued, taking a spoon and dipping it into the barrel to take some goo from it, "I shall raise an army of the undead!" He took the spoon and spilled its contents onto a nearby dead cat. After several seconds, the cat meowed and stood up. He began to spout the nonsense that was German before running off. Clyde grinned before pulling out a handmade crown and putting it onto his head.

"I will raise an entire army of darkness and kill the Earth!"

"Clyde... But why?" Stan asked.

"I banished him to be lost in space and time and now he's all pissed off," Cartman explained. Kid rolled his eyes before returning his attention to Clyde's message.

"So you see _fools_," the boy continued, "I control the Stick and the future of the Earth-" Suddenly, a voice could be heard offscreen, grabbing Clyde's attention.

"Clyde?" the voice asked. "Do you want a sandwich?" Clyde paused in his message and turned to reply.

"Not yet dad," he said, "I'm making a ruler of darkness video." He paused once more before returning his attention to creating the video once again.

"Whoever controls the Stick controls the universe - and my first deed is that I hereby _denounce _the human and the elf kingdoms." Clyde announced. "And strip both kings of their power!" The video ended with Clyde laughing entire group fell into silence as the laptop turned off. Cartman then frowned.

"Mother fucker!" he cursed.

* * *

Cartman banged angrily on Clyde's front door until the boy's dad opened it. He looked down at them, smiling.

"Hello boys."

"Can we speak to Clyde please?" Cartman asked, gritting his teeth. Behind him was just about everyone else as they all waited patiently for Clyde's dad's response.

"Oh," he said, "Clyde's out playing in the backyard with his little friends." Cartman pushed past Clyde's dad, the others following right behind him. They made their through the house and out the back door. Then, they all stopped.

Before them was a giant tree house that appeared to be taller than several houses stacked on top of each other. There was a moat with a crocodile in its water and a drawbridge. Dylan summed up the situation with a long, drawn out whistle. The boys all glanced up to the top of the tree house when they heard the sound of crazy laughter.

"Come and get it, losers!" Clyde waved the Stick above his head as he called down to them.

"You can't do that Clyde!" Cartman shouted in response, face almost as red as a tomato in his anger. "You're lost in time and space!"

"No I'm not!" Clyde argued.

"Yes you are, asshole!" Cartman replied. Clyde then raised his arms.

"Army of Darkness! Protect the fortress!" he commanded. Out of the cracks and crevices of the tree house, kids began to appear. Kid could see that some appeared to be dressed like vampires. He also recognized the girls that were bullying Annie (to which he frowned and glared menacingly at). There were boys dressed up like cyclops as well as several thug boys from the Giggling Donkey that Kid had noticed. What surprised just about everyone though was Craig and Amelia appearing on either side of Clyde.

"Craig? Amelia?" Cartman cried in shock. "You two are on my side!"

"You don't have authority anymore," Craig replied. "The Keeper of the Stick said so!" He pointed to Clyde while Amelia stuck her tongue out at the group.

"This can't be happening!" Kyle said in disbelief.

"God damnit," Cartman hissed, "I have fucking authoritah!"

"Sorry warriors and wizards," Clyde grinned, "I'd love to invite you into my fortress of darkness, but I'm afraid you're _too late_!"

"Too late?" Stan asked. "What do you mean we're too late?" Suddenly, the back door opened and a pair of rather irate looking adults came into the backyard.

"There you are, Butters!" The man shouted. "Do you know what time it is mister? It is _way _past your bedtime!" At this, the kids all blinked in surprise.

"Oh shit!" Cartman said, "It's past out bedtime?"

"Dude," Kyle cried, "I'm gonna get it!" The elf king quickly rushed past Butters' parents, who had grabbed onto Butters and were taking him home. Dylan shared a quick glance with Sabrina before the two also followed. Clyde's dad stood at the back door, moving to allow the kids to pass before returning his attention to Clyde.

"Clyde!" he called. "It's past your bedtime!" The boy had been laughing maniacally, stopping only to acknowledge his dad before continuing. Glancing around and realizing that he was the only one left, Kid quickly left the backyard as well and made his way home.


	14. Defeat the Underpants Gnomes

_**Yo! I know that I'm posting, like, a chapter a day. Honestly, there are two reasons for this; one, I'm bored and have nothing else to do. And two, I'll be going on a four day trip that lasts from this Friday to next Monday, so I won't be able to update during that time. Therefore, you people get a lot to read during that session. **_

_**Now, I'll be posting another poll onto my profile page. This has nothing to do with the story; I just want to see which characters are the favourites out of the reading community. This will also include my OCs that have been introduced so far. The goth kids will not be listed by name because it'll take up a bit of space; they'll share their own slot. So basically, feel free to vote if you want to since this one isn't mandatory.**_

_**One other thing. I'm going to give you guys a heads up on one last poll that will be coming out. Not now, of course, but in a few chapters. This one will concern the Chef vs. kids battle. I want to know who you guys want as the buddies. Based on popular demand of the characters, there will be a limit of two buddies that will be fighting. **_

_**Of course, that poll will not be coming out for a while yet, so...**_

* * *

Kid glanced around, giving a relieved sigh before slipping into his house. He quietly climbed the stairs up to his room and got changed into his pajamas before slipping into bed. Only seconds later, his mom opened the door to his room and coming inside. She sat down beside him, kissing him on the forehead.

"Good night, my little gumdrop," she said, smiling, "Hope you're enjoying all the peace and quiet in our new home as much as we are!" Kid inwardly snorted in disbelief, but returned the smile before his mother tucked him in. She then stood up and turned the light off and leaving the room.

"Time to go to work! Work all night! Search for underpants, hey! We won't stop until we have underpants, yum tum tummy tum tay!"

Kid blinked, wearily opening his eyes. The sight of four tiny gnomes climbing up his dresser made his eyes flash open and he sat up quickly. As the gnomes continued singing, the boy's jaw dropped.

"What. The. Actual. Fuck." All four of the gnomes' heads snapped towards him, their eyes widening.

"Oh shit!" One of them shouted. "This kid is awake!"

"Oh fuck!"

"What the fuck do we do?!" Another gnome asked. They jumped off the dresser just as Kid got up and out of his bed. The gnomes exchanged uncertain looks before one of them spoke up.

"I guess we got to kill him!" Kid blinked in surprise. _'Wait, what?!' _

"Alright," another gnome agreed, "Fuck it, let's kill him."

_'What the hell just happened?'_ Kid leapt back out of the way of one of the attacking gnomes, kicking the little thing back into the wall before another came at him. The boy couldn't move in time when the gnomes hit him. However, he didn't even stumble back and he just blinked in confusion before shrugging and kicking that gnome too. The final two gnomes started shaking and they turned to each other.

"Shit!" One exclaimed. "He's too big! We can't beat him!"

"Well, if you can't beat 'em," the other then said, "Shrink 'em! Go ahead, Warlock!" Another gnome with a rather hairy beard walked out in front of Kid, the boy blinking once more in extreme confusion. _'Where did he come from?' _

The gnome pulled out a small pouch from his back pocket. He then opened it, pulled out a pinch of some strange dust before throwing it up at Kid. One moment, the boy was staring down at the gnomes and the next, he was about the same size as them. _'What the fuck just happened?' _

He ducked one of the gnome's attacks before grabbing the thing by its shirt and flinging it to the ground. Kid then dodged the other's attacks and grabbed onto the gnome's wrist, pulling the gnome and slamming it into his nightstand. The gnome groaned, holding its head as it fell to the floor. The gnome that Kid had flung onto the ground got back up.

"Holy shit! Run!" The other gnomes quickly got back to their feet and ran into the mouse hole that was in the corner of his room. Kid's eyes narrowed before he rushed after them.

* * *

Kid coughed, the dust inside the wall where was being stirred as he passed by.

_'I swear... Once I get my hands on those gnomes, they'll wish that they've never been born.' _He continued on his way through the vents, not entirely sure where exactly he was going. However, it wasn't long before he reached a metal part of the wall. As he was about to pass by it, the sound of his parents' voices echoed through the metal wall. Kid curiously went over to the vent grate that took up most of the wall. He peaked through the grate and found himself looking into his parents' bed room. His mom and dad were sitting together on their bed. His mom looked rather forlorn.

Kid decided to listen in.

"I just feel like we should tell him the truth," Beth said. Alex immediately shook his head.

"Why?" He asked. "So he can relive it all in his head? It's better that he can't remember!" _'Remember what?'_ Kid thought, eyebrows furrowing. His mom then began to protest, unaware of the sudden questioning that her son was asking.

"But, if he has this... 'gift', h-he's going to discover it on his own anyway!"

"And then they'll try and use his gift and he'll become a weapon," Alex retorted. "They won't stop looking for him - we have to keep everything secret, even from him." _'What are they talking about?' _His mom sighed, rubbing her forehead.

"I'm so frazzled," she mumbled, "Will you just... make love to me?"_ 'Wait... What?' _

"Of course I will, darling." His dad took his mom's face in his hands, pressing his lips to hers. Kid grimaced at the sudden sounds that the two began to make, backing away from the grate. He shook his head as he made his way away from the vent. The sounds echoed throughout the wall and the boy shuddered.

_'I should have never accepted those magazines...'_

* * *

Kid lowered himself from the light switch before turning around. He wished he didn't. Immediately, the boy turned away from the scene on the bed, trying to ignore the noises as he searched for the gnomes. Upon finding them, his eyes narrowed and he stalked closer to them, clutching the pick axe that he had found tightly. One of the gnomes glanced up as they slowly began climbing down from his parents' dresser.

"Oh shit!" the gnome exclaimed. "The kid is still following us!"

"He's not gonna stop until he finds a way to become normal sized again," another replied. He then turned to look at the warlock. "That means he's coming after you, Warlock!" Said gnome blinked in surprise, mouth dropping open.

"What?!" He asked, panicked. "Oh fuck!" The Warlock then quickly continued climbing down the dresser. Kid shook his head of the surprise that the gnome's voice was rather high pitch before readying his pick axe with a grin. Time to kick some underpants gnome ass.

* * *

_'You have got to be freaking kidding me...,'_ Kid thought as a pair of rather large testicles came at him. Waiting for the right moment, the thief performed a rather epic back flip that would have made others within the Guild rather proud. As he stood back up again, the Warlock rushed him with his pencil weapon. Kid parried the attack and swung extra hard, knocking the gnome on his ass.

Kid then dodged a leg that had gotten too close (he wasn't sure who's it was) before rushing the Warlock gnome and smacking him upside the head with his axe. This knocked the gnome back once again.

Kid stalked forward with a nasty glare and a smile, raising his pick axe above his head to deliver the finishing blow. The gnome raised his hands, shaking his head.

"Alright, alright!" He reached down to his pocket, pulling out the pouch and holding it out to him. "Take it! You can grow big or small whenever you feel like it!" Kid took the bag, lowering his weapon and letting the gnome get back to his feet.

"All we wanted was to collect underpants to stop the Taco Bell from releasing its toxic green goo into our underground world!" the gnome confessed. "You see, the green goo is actually a-!" Suddenly, Kid's mom's breast came down from above them. Kid rolled backwards out of the way as the gnome got squished. Then, he quickly jumped out of the way as his dad's balls came down, barely missing him.

With a relieved sigh, Kid left his parents' room permanently scarred from the thing he had been forced to witness. Upon using the gnome dust to return to normal size, Kid climbed into bed and was about to fall asleep when...

_Knock, knock_

A knock came from the window. Kid sighed once again, crawling over to the window and opening it to let the knocker in. _'This is the second time my sleep has been messed up...,'_ he thought to himself. _'God damnit.' _


	15. Forging Alliances pt 1

_**So, just to remind you guys, I won't be updating for a few days because I'll be going on a trip. It's for four days, starting Friday and ending Monday. I'll try to get a chapter out for you guys as soon as possible when I get back. **_

_**Also, I have to point out that I was a bit surprised that Kenny's currently the most popular character in the poll. All the Youtubers I've watched have always liked Butters the best and use him as a buddy the most. **_

_**One last thing, I'm so glad that you guys are enjoying my story so far! Just letting you know, this story isn't what it seems; there will be a few twists and turns here and there. Including one big one involving Kid (naturally). Actually, I'm surprised that some people haven't commented on his strange behavior yet. But I'm sure that most of you will begin to wonder now, considering that I haven't continued from the cliffhanger in the last chapter. I **_**have **_**dropped hints here and there on the direction that the plot is taking concerning our favourite protagonist in several previous chapters, almost every single one in fact. You can go back and try to find them, I won't say anything else right now. **_

_**It'll all be explained later, trust me.**_

* * *

Kid groaned, yet the insistent shaking persisted until he blearily opened his eyes. Sunshine shone through his window and onto his face, the boy wincing as he turned his head away from the light to face whoever it was waking him up. A blue helmet with a red feather on top was what got his attention and Kid rubbed at his eyes to clear the slight blurriness.

"Come on," Stan said, "Get up, Douchebag! There's an emergency meeting at the Elven forest!"

With a sigh, Kid slowly sat up before getting up from his bed and getting dressed for the day. As an after thought, the thief also grabbed his gnome pick axe (which he found was surprisingly almost the same size as he was when it wasn't tiny) before following Stan out the door and to Kyle's house at the end of the street.

Kyle's dad opened the door with a welcome smile, giving Stan a 'hello' and a 'Kyle's in the backyard with the other boys' before leading them inside. Mr. Broflovski then went upstairs. Kid followed Stan as they made their way through the kitchen and into the backyard. As they stepped out onto the grass, Kyle looked up at them.

"Ah," he exclaimed, "Stan and Commander Douchebag have decided to grace us with their presences. Let's get started." Only a few boys had gathered to here what the elf king had to say, many of which included most of the key members of each faction. Kid noted that Joseph wasn't there, but wasn't entirely surprised since he technically wasn't part of either faction. As the two boys took their seats, Kid sitting between Cartman and Stan in the front row, Kyle began his speech.

"Humans and elves of Zaron," the Jew began, "A great evil has descended upon us. After researching last night, I believe that we are facing a threat to our entire world." With a click of the remote in his hand, the elven king turned on a projector and a slide show began to play. "Clyde's fortress of darkness is over four stories tall. So far, he has recruited at least fifty warriors to be on his team an-"

Snickering came from Kid's right side and the thief turned to see Cartman whispering something to Butters, who smiled. Kyle had stopped in his speech with a frown, noticing the disturbance as well.

"You have something to say, Wizard?" he asked, eyebrow raised with skepticism.

"N-Nothing," Cartman replied, trying in vain to hide his laughter. "Just think it's kind of funny how Drow elves in the Middle Ages can use Powerpoint." At this, Kid heard Dylan snort, though it was cut off by Sabrina elbowing the knight in the ribs.

"You guys!" Kyle cried, shaking his head. "This is serious! Clyde is attempting to raise an army of darkness. I believe that he is messing with something that he cannot control! He has recruited many of our friends, and so..." The elven king took a deep breath before continuing. "... And so, I believe it would best for our two factions... To join forces." A stunned silence descended over the entire group. Many mouths were gaping before Cartman's voice spoke up.

"Fuck. That." The Wizard king sneered, glaring. "We do _not _team up with fucking elves!"

"You got a better idea, Wizard fat ass?" Stan asked. Kid ducked his head down as the two glared at each other over his head. _'This is a rather awkward position...'_

"After what happened at the Battle of Wormsly Woods?!" Butters added, outraged. "You think we'll ever trust you?"

"That was Jimmy's fault," Sabrina retorted, "And he already apologized."

"Oh? We're apologizing now?" Dylan asked, snapping his head to the Lady of the Leaves with a rather suspicious frown. Kid could tell that the knight didn't seem to be faking it. "What about the time when you rampaged through the Pub of the Lonely Traveler and broke my floor? Do you know how mad my parents were when they saw it?!" _'Wait, really?' _

"Yeah," Cartman agreed, "You tell 'em Dylan!" The wizard's glare then returned to the elves, who Kid had finally noticed sat on one side while the humans sat on the other. "And what about that time when you broke the rules about using Arcane Fire magic?"

"That was the humans rule," one of the elves angrily stated, "Not ours!"

"Join forces, my paladin ass!" Butters shouted, pointing at the elves. "Only good elf is a dead elf!" Kid let out a low whistle. _'Woah... That took a rather dark turn...'_

"Why don't you s-suck my elven d-d-dick, Butters?" Jimmy asked. Kid snorted quietly, tiny smile appearing on his face before Kyle raised both his hands.

"Enough!" All of the arguments stopped and all attention was back on the elven king. "Whether we are human or elf isn't going to matter one bit if all of Zaron is taken over by German zombies! We saw what that green stuff does... We better figure out a way to stop Clyde or else there won't be a war to fight in!"

"Even if we join forces, we still won't have enough warriors!" Stan pointed out. Kyle nodded.

"So, we recruit more factions to join us," the elven king replied confidently, "The Pirates, The Federation, The Guild, and... The Girls."

"T-The Girls?!" Butters cried. Kid glanced back at Sabrina. She didn't seem to have heard, her normal dreamy expression still on her face.

"Kyle, the Girls are not going to fucking play with us!" Cartman said.

"Yeah dude," Stan agreed, "We can't convince girls to do this." With that last comment, the ranger waved his arms around at the other boys dressed in their fighter costumes as well as the sign that stated 'Elven Kingdom'.

"No," Kyle began before turning to Kid. "But the New Kid can. He makes friends on Facebook faster than any we have seen." At this, said new kid gave a frown. 'Are you fucking kidding?' he asked himself. 'What is with everyone giving me quests and expecting me to do shit for them?'

"He is good at getting Facebook friends, I'll give him that," Cartman commented.

"Find a way to get the Girls and the Guild to side with us, Commander Douchebag," Kyle ordered. "I'll deal with the other factions." He then returned his gaze to the other boys. "The rest of you, return to your stations. Prepare for war!"

"Huzzah!" The others cried before jumping off their chairs and making their way to their duties. After putting his chair away, Kid was approached by Dylan and Sabrina. With a nod, the two joined Kid and the trio left Kyle's house. Kid turned to look at them and raised his eyebrow before gesturing wildly around. Dylan grinned.

"There's a Guild meeting that's supposed to start soon," the knight said, jerking his thumb in the direction behind him. "Usually, they're mandatory to attend unless we have other issues to deal with." Sabrina nodded in agreement.

"Indeed," she said. "Sebastien doesn't come most of the time and the Girls are having a meeting today, so Maria won't be coming either." Kid tapped his chin before shrugging. Dylan's grin widened. He then grabbed onto the thief's arm and began pulling him along. Sabrina laughed as Kid silently protested.

* * *

They stopped in front of a plain grey house with a plain grey roof and a plain brown front door. Kid frowned. It was pretty plain, if you asked him. The trio made their way up and to the front door. Sabrina raised a fist and knocked. The kids waited for only a few minutes before the door opened.

Kid's eyes widened.

The boy standing in the door way was the same boy that he had seen at the Giggling Donkey; the one that wore the blue hood that shadowed his entire face. Kid couldn't even see the kid's eyes. The boy held a single white rose in his hand that had light pink highlights. Kid could feel the boy's eyes looking over all three of them.

"'Bout time," the boy then said. "It is time for the Guild meeting to start." He stepped back and let the trio into the house.

* * *

_**One last thing. I'll be adding Justin to the poll of favourite characters. **_


	16. Forging Alliances pt 2

_**Hello everyone! I'm BBBAAAAACCCCCKKKKKK!**_

_**So, my trip was AMAZING. I had a lot of fun *Grins* If you want to know the details, I'll post them along with the next chapter of something. But anyways, now that I'm back, you guys can once again expect regular updates. Hooray for updates, am I right?**_

_**One last thing; I'll be posting the final poll onto my profile page. The choices are thus: Butters, Dylan, Kenny, Kyle, Stan, Jimmy, Sabrina, Joseph, and Justin. You can choose two max. There is also a reason why Cartman isn't added to the list, but that's because he'll be a mandatory buddy. I'll have Cartman fight with the most popular choice. Please note, I'll be giving you guys a time limit of three chapters so... Chapter 19 is when it'll close. Also, the poll on favourite characters will be closed for that period of time.  
**_

* * *

"My name is Justin Ehrlichmann," the boy said as he led the trio into the grey house. As Kid looked around, he noticed that there weren't any pictures or any kind of recognizable features at all in the living room. The floor was a dark wood and the walls were a solid grey, darker than the outside bricks. There were several plants but they were stuck in tiny nooks and crannies inside the kitchen. Kid couldn't help but also notice that they seemed to be wilting. The thief returned his attention to Justin, who made his way to a door under the stairs.

"This way." Kid glanced at Sabrina and Dylan. Only when the two nodded did the boy go down into the basement, but not after taking a deep breath. Kid took his time making his way down the creaky wooden stairs, it was rather dark down there. But that was okay since the other three were also doing the same.

Upon reaching the bottom, the new kid surveyed the area. There were several kiddie picnic tables that took up most of the space in the small room, all lined up in a single row to create an extremely long table. There were several pictures lining the walls of the basement as well as a small laptop on a desk at the back of the room. Several candles dimly lit up the room, just enough for one to see a ways in front of them. Kid also noticed that they weren't the only ones there.

The thief immediately noticed Joseph, the Jew's blonde hair standing out despite the room's dimness. Kid also caught sight of Sebastien, the Goth boy leaning against the wall in the darkest corner of the basement. He also saw the pirate boy that he had noticed several days earlier as well as Amelia, surprisingly enough. Kid's attention was soon turned to Justin, the boy walking past him and to the head of the picnic tables.

"Let's begin, shall we?" Upon hearing these words, just about everyone moved, with the exception of Sebatien, taking a seat at the table. To Justin's right was Joseph and to his left was Dylan. Next to Dylan was Sabrina and then Kid. On the opposite side was the pirate boy next to Joseph, then Amelia, followed by an empty seat. Kid glanced curiously at the empty seat.

"Maria couldn't make the meeting since the Girls are currently having one of their own," Sabrina lightly mentioned upon noticing. Justin then coughed. Their attention returned to their leader, the hooded boy folding his hands on the table in front of him.

"Firstly, are the introductions," he began, speaking to Kid, "My name is Justin. To your right is Sabrina and Dylan. In front and to the left of you is where Maria Castro usually sits. To her left is Amelia, then Joey Garoo and after that is Joseph. The boy leaning on the wall is Sebastien. Of course, you already know most of us.

"Now, to the topic at hand." Justin reached over to the desk and pulled a piece of paper off of the top. "The war." He passed the paper to Joseph who then stood and began reading off of it. The boy's eyes had narrowed and he spoke slowly, struggling to see the words.

"'The War's Sudden Turn of Events,' is today's topic," he began. The Jew then cleared his throat. "'As of yesterday, it has come to the attention of the Guild that the Elves vs. Humans war has been changed to Elves/Humans Alliance vs. Clyde's Dark Army. Currently, the self-proclaimed Dark Ruler has over fifty warriors, the majority of which is made up of bullies and vampire kids.'"

"Vampire kids?" Joseph gave Sebastien a nod. The goth's lip curled.

It was at this point that Kid couldn't help but notice the two streaks of blue that went from the bottom of his eyes to his jawline. He also couldn't help but glance around slowly to the other members and noticed that they also wore similar colour schemes; blue, grey, black, a dark or light brown and white. _'So the Guild has official colours?'_ He thought. _'Cool.' _Joseph then continued once Sebastien had calmed down.

"'The Dark Ruler's fortress is over four stories tall and has several floors, levels, and secret passages. The Dark Ruler is mentioned to be stationed at the top of the fortress and his army surrounds it, protecting almost every nook and cranny that is noticeable,'" Joseph then put the paper onto the table and looked around to every Guild member. "Today's discussion is on allegiance; who will join Clyde? Who will join the Elves/Humans Alliance? _That _is what we have to determine right now."

Kid blinked and frowned. He glanced around to the others and noticed that they didn't look too surprised. Had they expected it? The room was silent before a voice came from Kid's right.

"The Knight stands with the Elves/Humans Alliance," Dylan said. He put two cents onto the table. Sabrina then spoke up next.

"The Lady stands with the Elves/Humans Alliance." She also put two cents onto the table.

"The Lieutenant stands with the Dark Army," Amelia then said, putting her two cents onto the table. Kid blinked, struggling to keep from laughing out loud. _'That sure puts the saying _Put my two cents in _into a rather literal sense...' _A phone beeped and the kindergartener pulled out a cell phone. He read the text before putting the phone back into his pocket.

"The Pirate stands with the Elves/Humans Alliance," Joey said, putting two cents onto the table. Joseph then pulled out two cents and put it on the table.

"The Messenger stands with the Elves/Humans Alliance." A sigh was heard before Sebastien made his way over to the table.

"The Overseer stands with the Elves/Humans Alliance," he said. Two more cents went down. Amelia pouted, turning to the goth kid.

"That's not fair, Sebastien," she moaned, "You're my brother! You're supposed to take my side!" The older of the two siblings snorted. Kid blinked but said nothing.

"But I hate vampire kids," he retorted, pulling out a cigarette. Immediately, Kid saw Justin frown.

"Don't smoke in my house," the leader said. "If my parents see that, I'm gonna get it!" Sebastien's lip curled once again but he put the cancer stick back into his pocket before retreating to his part of the basement. Attention was then turned to Kid. The boy reached into his pocket and fumbled with his two cents before placing it on the table.

"T-The... thief?" At this he gave a unsure glance to Dylan who nodded encouragingly before continuing. "The Thief stands with the E-Elves/Humans Alliance." Kid bit his lip, feeling his cheeks flush a light pink as the others gave approving nods. Justin then sighed and tossed two cents onto the table.

"The Leader stands with the Dark Army." There were a lot of surprised glances when he had said this. Amelia's lip twitched upwards. Justin then turned to Kid.

"As the Leader of the Guild," he said, "It is my job to assess new members to see who is worthy of their membership. By joining the opposing side, I am guaranteed to fight you later. That is how I will be testing you." Kid gulped nervously under the scrutinizing gaze.

"Don't worry," Sabrina then said, patting the thief's shoulder, "This is normal."

"Damn straight," Amelia agreed. "There are different tests for each attribute; as a Sun flame, I was tested on my ability to encourage a person so that they get their ass back onto the battlefield. Since you're a Cloud, Justin will test you on your fighting ability and technique." Kid nodded slowly, the information being processed at around the same speed.

To him, Justin was a rather menacing figure. Kid felt extremely nervous around him. Justin was the type of person that could scare the shit out of you with a single glare. In addition, there was also the fact that he seemed like a strong fighter. The thief was slightly afraid of what would happen if he were to lose to him. His attention returned to Justin, the boy standing from his seat and putting both hands onto the table.

"Are all topics today covered?" When everyone nodded, Justin turned away and to the laptop on the desk.

"Then, you're all dismissed."

One by one, each left the basement.

* * *

"Well, that could have gone better," Dylan said, shoving his hands into his pants' pockets. Kid gave the knight a confused look. Hadn't they succeeded?

"Out of all of us," Sabrina began explaining, "Justin is the most strongest. That's why he's our leader." Kid immediately felt a sense of dread come upon him. _'Justin is the strongest... And I have to fight him? Oh crap, crap, crap, crap, crap...' _Sabrina patted Kid's shoulder reassuringly. "You'll do fine."

"Yeah," Dylan agreed, grinning. "And we'll be there to help you." Kid gave a nervous smile and the trio returned to Kyle's house.


	17. Forging Alliances pt 3

_**And here's another chapter for my bitches... I mean my readers, yeah, that's what I meant! *That is **_**not **_**what I meant...***_

* * *

Kid took a deep breath, gulping to himself. _'Come on, you idiot! Get it together!'_ Butters patted him reassuringly on the shoulder as Stan kept look out.

Upon returning to Kyle's house to report, Kid was quickly sent off by both Dylan and Sabrina to get the Girls while they explained to the others the situation. Sabrina was the one to suggest going to Annie outside City Hall, winking as Kid blushed. Dylan had brought Butters and Stan over and the duo sent the boys on their way. As they walked, Kid had awkwardly walked beside Butters before offering him a hand and a silent apology from the beating the night before. The blonde boy had smiled and the two shook, the paladin accepting the apology. Kid hadn't been more relieved then he was at that moment.

Until it quickly turned to nervousness.

Stan jolted him out of his thoughts. "Hey dude, you got somewhere you'd rather be?" Kid frowned before sticking his tongue out at the ranger. He then took one last deep breath before slowly making his way over to Annie.

The blonde girl was sitting on the same park bench she had gone to just a few days earlier, playing happily with her Justin Bieber toy. She looked up and smiled at him as he approached. The thief couldn't help but notice the way her eyes lit up and he blushed furiously. He would have back pedaled the hell out of there to wallow in in his thoughts ('_She looked and smiled at me... Oh dear God, help me..._') if not for Stan noticing and giving him a push. Literally.

Kid stumbled forwards before tripping and falling flat on his face. Annie gasped, leaping from the bench and hurrying over to his side.

"Are you okay?" She grabbed his arm, helping him to his feet. _'Screw me and my bipolar balance...' _Kid's face couldn't have gotten any more redder as he quickly glanced at his feet, nodding. Annie smiled again.

"Something you need, new kid?" The thief bit his lip, reaching into his pocket for the note that Cartman had given him to give to the Girls' leader. As Annie took the paper, their hands brushed. Kid jerked his away and shoved it into his pocket, shuffling his feet in embarrassment. Annie quickly read over the note, her face scrunching up in a curious expression. She then looked back up at him.

"The boys want us to play with them?" she asked. Kid nodded in confirmation. Annie tapped her chin thoughtfully.

"Well, I do owe you one...," she mused. The blonde girl then nodded. "I'll take you to the Girls... But I don't think they'll be too enthusiastic about playing with boys. Would you like to speak with them?" Kid gave another nod, shyly smiling. Annie then grinned.

"Alright then," she said. "You'll have to leave the others behind though." Once more, Kid nodded. Annie then reached into the pocket of her jacket and pulled out a long piece of cloth. She tied it around his eyes before grabbing his hand and began pulling him along.

Kid's face heated up again and he inwardly groaned.

* * *

Annie led the new kid for a rather long time, or that's what Kid thought. He had briefly heard Annie explaining the situation to Stan and Butters before continuing on to wherever the Girls' hideout was. Soon enough though, the blindfold was removed and Kid found himself staring in slight horror at the room before him.

_'Oh... My... God...'_ he thought.

The room was pink. And there were rainbows and ponies everywhere. And pictures of many handsome, famous actors all over the walls. There were also girls sitting in pink desks all lined up to form two rows. At the end was a girl with dark hair and a pink (he inwardly shuddered) hat. She held a gravel and slammed it lightly on the desk before her.

"The four hundred and twelfth meeting of the Girls is hereby called to order," she said, "Sparkle sparkle."

"Sunshine!" all the others chorused.

"Sunshine, sparkle," a black haired girl sitting next to the leader said, standing, "Millie Larsen has the floor." Kid's head snapped in confusion as the girl who was singled out then spoke. She had orangeish hair that was tied up in pigtails.

"If it pleases and sparkles, I move that we vote _immediately _on the urgent matter concerning Monica Ryland." There were multiple cries of agreement all around the room. Kid blinked, silently cringing. _'What the fuck is going on?'_

"Excuse me," Annie then interrupted, "I'm sorry, but I have an urgent matter that I believe needs to be addressed first."

"The Chair acknowledges Annie," the dark haired girl said. The girl sitting on the leader's other side then spoke up. She had brown hair tied up into a ponytail. Kid also noticed how she had a strange white rose in her hair. _'Wasn't Justin holding one when he answered his door earlier?'_

"Sunshine, sparkle," she chanted, "Annie Knitts has the floor."

"If it pleases and sparkles," Annie chorused, "A messenger comes with a request from the boys." Almost every one of the girls hissed in disgust, clearly making their dislike known. Kid frowned, awkwardly cringing as they turned their gazes to him.

"What request do the boys ask of us?" the leader asked. Kid bit his lip. Annie's eyes were on him as the silence stretched on before she turned back to the dark haired girl.

"He... Doesn't really talk."

Another awkward silence. Then...

"That's hot."

Kid blanched, head snapping to a curly blonde haired girl. She gave him a smile, winking. Immediately, the thief blushed. Then the squealing began. Many girls were exclaiming about how cute he was being, which only made Kid blush even more._ 'How did I get into this situation again?' _The banging of the gravel slowly brought attention back to the leader, the dark haired girl shaking her head in amusement.

"The boys are playing some new role playing game and the new kid wants us to join his team," Annie then explained.

"What?!" The pigtails girl exclaimed, leaping to her feet. "We don't have time for that! Something _very _big has happened and we _must _do something!"

"I know," Annie agreed, "I thought he could help." Kid's head snapped to Annie in disbelief. _'Wait, what?'_ The curly blonde tapped her chin.

"That's not a bad idea," she mused. The girl then turned to the leader. "I glitter Annie's idea!"

"Sunshine, sparkle," the ponytail girl announced, standing again, "A motion has been glittered to have the new kid help with Monica Ryland." The leader nodded as the girl sat down before she herself stood. She turned to look at Kid, eyes serious.

"Alright new kid," she said, "There are terrible rumors going around the neighbourhood that our good friend Allie Nelson was spotted at the abortion clinic." Kid frowned. _'I don't like the sound of where this is going...' _

"I've _never _been to the abortion clinic!" a brunnet that Kid assumed was Allie announced. "I'm not a whore!" Attention was soon returned to the leader as she continued.

"We aren't sure, but we think that the girl spreading the rumors about Allie is Monica Ryland."

"And then she has the gall to act all nice to me!" Allie hissed, fists clenching on top of her desk. The girl next to her patted her shoulder to calm her down before attention was returned to the leader.

"We have to know for sure if Monica Ryland is a two faced bitch or not," she explained. The other girls nodded in agreement. "So, we're going to send Monica a link to your Facebook page that tells her that you're Bebe's boyfriend from Lakewood and you want to meet her and ask her what the best thing to get Bebe for her birthday would be and see if Monica tries to hit on you at all because that way, we can see if Monica is a manipulative bitch." _'Wait, what?'_

"Right," the curly haired girl, who Kid guessed was Bebe, nodded.

"Do this task for us," the leader continued, sitting back down, "And the Girls will consider you're request." She banged the grave once. "Sparkle!"

"Sunshine!" the other girls replied. Before Kid could ask what the hell he was supposed to do, Annie was already putting the blindfold on and pulling him out of the Girls' hideout.

* * *

Kid felt Annie come to a halt before the blindfold was taken off. He winced as the sun shone brightly before turning his attention to Annie.

"You'll find Monica waiting for you at the park," she said, tucking the cloth back into her pocket. "All you have to do is pretend to be Bebe's long distance boyfriend, Mike. When the job's done, come see me." With that said, the blonde lightly pushed him back towards Stan and Butters, both boys looking quite bored.

"So buddy, what are we doing?" All Butters got was a shudder followed by a shrug. Stan patted Kid's shoulder.

"Whatever it is, just remember, we need their help." Kid sighed before nodding. Then, with a wave of his hand, the thief led their group to the park.

* * *

"Hey!" A brunnet girl with pigtails called. Kid glanced over before sharing a look with both Stan and Butters. The ranger shrugged.

"If shit goes down, we'll come running." With that, the two went and hid in the nearby bushes. Kid sighed before making his way over to Monica.

"You must be Mike." She nodded to the bench behind her and the two took a seat.

"So, you wanna talk about Bebe, huh?" When Kid gave a slight nod, Monica continued. "Well look... Bebe's my friend, I think she's really great. I don't really think she's the end all be all of girls - I mean, she's a little two-faced, if you ask me." _'Damn...' _Kid thought. '_I thought she was her friend?' _

"But hey!" she then exclaimed, suddenly latching onto his arm, much to his surprise. "I read a lot of your Facebook profile, and I think you're a really interesting boy..." Kid blinked, gulping._ 'Oh crap...' _

"Aha!" The two both looked up to an approaching group of angry girls. Kid noticed how smug they also seemed. Once they were standing right in front of them, Bebe put her hands on her hips.

"We knew it!" Bebe once more shouted. "You two-faced manipulative whore!" Monica's grip on him was released and the girl blinked in confusion.

"What the heck?"

"Thank God we sent the new kid to spy on you, huh girls?" The leader received nods all around. A red haired girl whipped back around to Monica, hair flying.

"Now we know you're a two-faced bitch!" Stan and Butters both came out of their hiding places, making their way over. Monica looked extremely confused and distressed, hopping off of the bench.

"What'dya mean?" she asked. "You guys are my best friends!"

"Then why are you hitting on _my _Facebook boyfriend?" Bebe demanded, crossing her arms. The brunnet with the ponytail blew some loose strands of her hair out of her eyes before speaking.

"We brought someone else who might be interested!" A rather tall boy with brown hair made his way over. He seemed really pissed off, eyes narrowed when he had stopped right in front of them. He crossed his arms, glaring down at Monica.

"Monica! What the fuck are you doing?"

"Uh oh... Hey Jake." Monica gave an awkward wave.

"Have fun you two-faced skank!" The girls then turned around and left. Monica's eyes widened before she followed, calling after them to wait. That left Kid with Jake, Monica's boyfriend, as well as Stan and Butters. It was silent before Jake turned to Kid, anger not fading.

"What's the big idea trying to fuck my girlfriend?" he demanded. Kid quickly raised his hands in defense, rapidly shaking his head in denial. _'She's the one who grabbed onto me! Why does he blame me and not her?'_

"Nothing to say, huh? Then maybe you'll understand this!" A fist came through the air, Kid ducking under it. Immediately, Stan and Butters came to his aid. Kid mentally groaned as he pulled out his pick axe.

_'Why me?'_


End file.
